When Your Ex Gets Engaged

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Since my divorce over ten years ago, I really thought I didn’t give a hoot about what happened with my ex-husband and his life; however, I was taken by surprise when my daughter called to tell me her father had gotten engaged. At first, I tried to come across with the “who cares” attitude of a wife that has moved on and truly gotten herself to a good place in life (which I believe I have); however, as the days went by, I found myself becoming a bit resentful and even a tiny bit jealous, after all, it was supposed to be ME getting engaged before him, wasn’t it?

I think the main reason my feelings submerged from my subconsiousness was that little voice in my head reminding me of something my ex once told me during a meeting about our children. He said, “You will always be alone because you are too complex for most men.” I think that comment has sabotaged some of my relationships just because it came to fruition. I discovered that I truly am complex and there are very few men who can deal with someone who really has more than a couple layers to discover. Anyway, I digress.

My ex has always been a “rescuer” and has always had that need to be someone’s champion. Unfortunately, he forgot that his family should have been on his list to champion; so I divorced him. We married very young, had two unplanned pregnancies (thank goodness for my kids!), were poor as dirt, struggled to succeed with our degrees and careers, finally got on the road to success, and just as we were truly “successful” and really planning for a future of comfort, realized that our marriage failed.

Now, this woman who had nothing to do with our struggles, my pushing him to “go for it”, and succeeding, is now stepping into a comfortable lifestyle and future when it really should have been mine. Strange how your mind works and skews things into proportion to fit your rationale at times. I just know that my thoughts probably derive from the fact that while I have moved to another state and started over without ANY support or assistance financially from my ex or family members, I have succeeded. It just seems that I am at square one and not prepared for a financially secure future, like I would have been had I stuck around with my ex.
I’ve discovered that sometimes you have to compromise sanity for security. I am totally sane, happy, and healthy—so I shouldn’t have anything to complain about. Then again, just for a moment or two, the ugly head of insanity appears and I have a feeling of resentment or jealousy. Gladly, that condition only lasts for a short time and I return to normal and pity the lady who said yes.



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