Why do we love so hard

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Iask myself why as women we love so hard.That we give untill it hurts.Almost losing who we are.At least I did.I thought he was my prince charming.Coming to rescue me and take me to my castle up in the clouds.Untill I felt the hot air of his hands hit my face and saw rage in his face.Still I loved hard.Why?I was just a young girl just mybe I was looking for love I so wanted to feel from daddy.I took it untill he could break me no more.So I choose to love hard again.I felt so desperate to hear sweet words.To feel like a women again.So when love came again his words melted me like butter and I felt alive again.He warned me not to give him my heart because his belong to somebody else but nomatter what I did give him my heart.I have heard that women give sex for affection and men give affection for sex.I thought just mybe I could win his heart and just when I thought I was close to having his heart there was a major set back.Each time sending me into a deeper deepression.After all what was wrong with me?Why can't I be loved?My heart then became cold but burn with anger.No man was going to hurt me again or control me again.I would turn things around.So I choosed to love again but not hard.This was my call.I would give myself away but not my heart.Little did I know that would bring me to my knees.My sin had consumed me.I couldn't stand being in my own skin.How far would I go?When was my self distruction going to end.All I knew that the sound of death sounded more pleasing then the sound of life.Still inside of me I longed to love hard and to beloved hard.Then fear overwhelmed me was I even capable of being loved?Well love did come to this broken women.Only when it did my mind and my heart had a hard time connecting together.I couldn't believe that I had his heart.That his words for me were real.That I didn't have to expect him to hurt me.Even though I had craved his love for so long I would push him away.Inside already waitting to fail.How could I be beautiful or deserve him but I did.It took me a while to realize that I didn't love myself much.So it was hard for me to even show him love,even though I know I would die for him and I know he would for me if our lives depended on it.So I choose to love hard and to be loved hard at the same time.I learned that nothing is worth losing your selfworth.God did bless me with a wonderful husband but I have to be in peace with my creater, myself and everthing comes into place.

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