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Will It Ever End?

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I am a forty-three year old male who is going through a divorce that is unbelievable. My soon-to-be ex-wife started a relationship with a man where she boarded our horse. I want to believe that there was no sex involved, but everything points to her having an affair. We were going to marriage counseling and I thought everything was going well until she went off her medication and started screaming and yelling. I told her that day that I was done and wanted a divorce. What she did next was unreal. 


During the argument, she hit me with her car keys, cutting my neck. I told her she could go to jail for that; she said go ahead, it will be the last time you ever did that. I went on a business trip that day and when I got back, I found out she had filed a domestic violence charge against me for allegedly raising my fist in anger and spitting in her face. I had gone to see a divorce attorney but I did not file for divorce. I could not bring myself to doing that to our three children. We have a four-year-old, a twelve-year-old, and a sixteen-year-old. My attorney told me not to go and talk to the police because they would arrest her for cutting my neck with the keys. Little did I know that was a bad move …  


I was arraigned, thrown out of the house with only the clothes on my back. A bond was set with no contact with my family whatsoever. My world was turned upside down. I was allowed back in the house by my spouse to get my clothing and some personal items. While I was in the house, I wrote notes to my two oldest children stating their mother had had me arrested and I could not come home. I told them I was sorry this was happening and told them I loved them very much. 


Two weeks later, I went to court to get the bond amended to see my children. I was an emotional wreck. My attorney came in and said the judge was not happy with me about the notes. Yes, she not only told the judge I was in the house but she produced the notes. I filed for divorce that day. Now that we’re going through this divorce, she refuses to get the bond lifted so we can talk. 


My son is failing school and she will not help him with his homework. He has ADHD and requires a lot of attention to get his work done. She refuses to lift the bond so we can talk about the divorce and the children. I also found that she ran up about $35,000 in credit card debt and cashed in her profit sharing money last year. We are flat broke and I have been ordered to pay all the bills and give her child support. I am very near bankruptcy.


She recently made another false accusation that I was talking to her and filed yet another police report. This all occurred after I refused to give her half of the tax return because I want to use it for paying down marital debt; also, my daughter Lauren finally had enough of her anger and forcing her to watch the other two children while she went out to the barn to see her friend. She just agreed on a trial basis with the Friend of the Court for joint fifty-fifty custody. We now exchange the children in front of the police station. I have no idea what the court is going to do with the police report; I told them my side of the story this time. 


Now she claims that the place we keep the horse, which is where her friend is, is $900 in back board. She was cleaning stalls at this farm to work off board and food, but I know this is a lie because she has been going there non-stop and has had phone calls with my children while I was with them about the birth of horses at this farm. My children have told me she keeps going out there and she has taken them with her … She claims she has to give the horse to him to pay off the board. 


What she does not realize is a judge will order the horse to auction and take the proceeds from the sale and pay off the back board. This is also my daughter’s horse and that would break her heart. I told my daughter that I would do everything I can to save her horse. Her mom is going about this divorce the wrong way. She is so bitter it is clouding her judgment; I don’t know how to get through to her to stop what she is doing and convince her that she is ruining our future together as parents. She keeps telling lie after lie and when she gets caught, it is going to cost even more money—money we don’t have. How do I get through to her to stop what she is doing and just go through the divorce amicably, or does she just need to keep what she is doing until she feels I have been paid back? HELP!

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