Most of the women over forty I talk to have become frustrated about dating because they seem to think many men are cads, players, jerks—in other words frogs! I’m here to share another view.
In the last eighteen months, as of today I’ve dated ninety-six men. No, that’s not ninety-six dates, but ninety-six individual men. Some multiple times. I’ve had a few six-week relationships (more later on my theory on why men bail at six weeks) and two six-month beaus.
Out of ninety-six men, I’ve had nine bad first dates. I don’t think 10 percent is bad, really. However, I’ve met some interesting, kind, generous gentlemen. Those are the princes—they just weren’t my prince! There was some fatal flaw that I knew was a deal breaker. Am I being overly picky? Perhaps, but after realizing I’d “settled” in my marriage, I don’t want to do that to my next partner—or me—again.
So, if you’ve had a bad encounter or two, it doesn’t mean everyone out there is a cad. It just means you have to do a better job screening by email and phone before you go on a date! You can tell a lot about someone by what they ask—or don’t ask, and what they tell you. I’ve saved myself many hours of suffering through a bad date by not saying yes to an invitation from someone who was arrogant, filthy-mouthed, sex-focused, interrupted me constantly … you get the picture.
And I still keep in contact with a dozen of my gems who weren’t good matches, but we enjoy each other’s company. So they are princes—for someone else—and you get to enjoy their princeness without the complications and expectations of being a couple. And they’re great to ask my “Why would a guy …” questions!
Princes are everywhere. Give a guy a chance to see if he is your prince. I know my prince is looking for me as hard as I’m looking for him. But if I don’t even answer his emails, how will I know?
This is an except from Date or Wait: Are You Ready for Mr. Great?