Learning to love myself has been a rather lengthy process. I grew up the youngest of five children not feeling good about myself or liking who I was. I was rather chubby most of my childhood and into my teenage years, which didn’t help out a whole lot. On top of all of this, I never received affirmation from my family members especially my mother who would tell me constantly that I was fat along with an abundance of other negative things. I grew up confused not really knowing how much value I really had. My self-esteem was extremely low and I was paranoid that people didn’t like me or were always talking about me. I spent years seeking acceptance from anyone and everyone. It seems that nothing I ever did was right or quite good enough.
Into adulthood, I still struggled with my weight and self-esteem. What has been the greatest disappointment being the DIVA that I am is that behind my makeup, well coordinated attire, high heel shoes, and a great hairdo no one could see the real me. The hurting me. The silent sufferer. Can you imagine people programming an image of you in their minds and even if you wanted to have a bad hair day you couldn’t? That’s been the story of my life. Everyone is so used to seeing the dressed up stylish me that they seemed to have forgot that I was a real person with real feelings. I looked good on the outside, but was a terrible mess on the inside. I would get told oh you keep your weight down so good or oh you exercise all the time. No one knew that I was abusing laxatives or eating all of the wrong foods and punishing my body in and outside of the gym.
People have always judged me based on my appearance. Oh, every time I see you, you just have it all together. You think?! Whatever. I am going through some things just like the next woman that’s trying to make it. I got bills due and seem to not have enough money to pay them. I’m married but struggling. I am human. Just a few weeks ago, I attended a church service that really inspired me. It was at that point that I realized that I had to get real with the man in the mirror…………………..Me! It was time to stop faking it until I thought I was making it. I took my dressed up self to the Lord in prayer and was brutally honest. God created me so He already knows the deal. In order to be real, you must face your giants. All of us as women are facing giants whether we want to admit it or not. I confessed my sin, the known as well as the unknown. I told God EVERYTHING about my depression, insecurities, jealousy, paranoia,
and low self esteem. I asked Him to destroy these demons in my life. Yes, I said demons. I am a Christian and Satan desires nothing more but that to deceive us especially women into believing that we are not who God says we are and that we can have what the word of God says we can have. Satan can use demonic forces to work against us. I asked God to bind up and destroy every evil work that was working against me in the unseen and to manifest His power in my life in the seen. This is what you can a miracle.
When I got real with God, I got delivered from the torture and the torment of all those negative emotions that I had been feeling all of my life. The Lord has healed me and set me free and He desires to do the same for you. Please stop hiding behind your past. It’s time to come out of darkness and into the marvelous light. It’s time my sisters to be real. Stop worrying about people and what they think or may say. It’s God’s will for you to live and enjoy life, which is a gift that He gave to you. Stop letting fear, your past, and your giants control and manipulate you. That’s not of God. Satan is your enemy and not your friend. Stop allowing him to seduce and betray you. Let it all go. Give whatever it or whoever it is to God. Take off the mask. You are beautiful because you were made in the imagine of God. It’s not about what size you wear, what you drive, or where you may work or live. There’s so much more to you that has not been seen or discovered. You are a masterpiece.