I am a forty-two year old professional who is very strong, determined, and loyal with an attitude that I can do it or die trying. This attitude just about did get me killed … I have been married for fifteen years to a man who is mentally ill, he has characteristics of a narcissist, sociopath, and antisocial behavior … I have been with him since I was fifteen years of age. He is forty-eight years old. Do the math ….When you are the young age of fifteen and you have someone who is older than you telling you how pretty you are, YADA,YADA,YADA you fall hard very hard. … Being young and naïve, that is exactly what I did…
It wasn’t until we married that the really bad abuse started. Little by little he was more violent more name calling, hitting, shoving, fingers in the chest all though you think he didn’t mean it …Then when my six year old daughter was born he went off the deep end. My attention was directed to her most of the time. The arguments became more often, the hitting was with every fight, he even almost broke my jaw. Although he was very sorry, after every fight he would continue to hit me during the next one… He would always make himself feel better after them by buying me presents, telling how sorry he was, how much he loved me and then say I really didn’t hurt you did I, it really didn’t hurt that bad did it, your okay now, I LOVE YOU I AM SORRY!!!! IT WON’T HAPPEN AGAIN!!!
Finally he exploded in front of my daughter she cried and I picked her up then he hit me in the face with his fist while I was holding her and trying to get out of the door to get away from him. Needless to say I left and now am divorcing him. But I will tell you this one incident that she saw has affected her terribly … She is in therapy she suffers from post traumatic stress syndrome and obsessive compulsive disorder. So if you are in an abusive relationship and your child witnesses abuse GET OUT!!!
The stress on her is terrible. This is why my profile has the five things that are not useful in my purse are straw wrappers, sugars packages, crayons, peanut shells, etc. She keeps everything, even her paper towels when she goes to the bathroom and washes her hands. You do not know pain until you see your baby experience this. If you think you can make a difference in the abusers life you cannot. I stayed for twenty-seven years and it almost got me killed and has altered my daughters personality drastically. I stayed because I thought I was supposed to after I made the commitment of marriage. I didn’t want to be a quitter, that’s what he always told me I would be if I left him, he would say OH I SEE HOW YOU DO ME, WHEN IT GETS REALLY BAD YOU ARE GOING TO QUIT YOU ONLY WANT TO BE AROUND FOR THE GOOD TIMES. YOU ARE NOT STRONG ENOUGH.
Then he would shower me with niceness and gifts after the abuse … So he is the one who would hurt me and then turn right around and be the one to make me feel better (This is called traumatic bonding). He would isolate me from family and friends so he could be the only one to make me happy (one sick man). I highly suggest that if you even remotely think that you are in this type of situation you seek professional help and start to educate yourself on abuse. There is more that just physical, there is financial, emotional, verbal, and sexual. Read the book by LUNDY BANCROFT called Why Does He Do That: Inside the Minds of Abusive and Controlling Men. It will explain everything to you very clear. HOPE THIS HELPS EVEN ONE PERSON.