Hello to all:

My story is all about my family and me: I was once a teen who did not get the choices I chose: I feel that the Lord directed my path. When I was young I wanted to be a nun asked my parents and the answer was no. I graduated from school got accepted to Fisk university my parents said no they would not assist and it was to far from home. All of my siblings left the city and moved on and of course I am the youngest so I just stayed and went to a community college and finally got my BA in Theology working on my Masters at this time. I am now forty-four and working in Management, sometimes I feel as though I missed out on what my purpose is. My children are all grown and I have four grands, my husband recently join the Army so I am trying to find myself the problem is I have invested the majority of my life assisting others accomplished there dreams that I have lost sight of my own. I see my kids often and my husband in my opinion went through a mid life crisis by joining the military at this stage of his life I stood by his decision and let him go, he calls often and I get letter’s once a week but the truth of the matter is I have to learn to put my needs first and learn to find friends of my own. He want me to travel to spend time with him and we he comes home yes we spend time together but for me not enough so I’ve decide to take a course or two or find a part time job it just seems to get very tiresome at times. I wish that I can say it has been all good that would be an untruth we have been together for twenty-two years and married for twenty of them and I am not sure what his plans are or mind so I am just waiting for some divine guidance from the Lord as to what to do with the rest of my time that I have left on this earth.

I enjoy my quite time and have learn to rest I tried going to the gym for a while stop doing that it was not for me so now I am taking yoga I enjoy that, it is great just to release all of the stress of the day and relaxing. Sometime I just wish that I was more out going but truthfully that is not how God made me I am a introvert and my husband is very out going sometimes he states that I am not social and that is an untruth I just do not fit with the people he hang out with I am a square peg trying to fit in a round hole. I will eventfully change some of my ways but I have to remain true to myself. I did promise him that I will get motorcycle license before he returns he longs for me to ride with him, I feel that he can not enjoy himself when I am with him at an event he tries to watch over me and make sure I am ok but I see in his eyes he want to cut loose and spend time with his friends and I am a hindrance so I would stay home or if we are away stay back at the hotel so he can be free to enjoy his time. Now there are times when I would want to go into a club and enjoy the music but he is not comfortable with me being there and I wish he just enjoy himself and then will I. Now when he is out he comes in late but I come along, we have to retire early if I start to talk to one of his biker buddies just conversing it is an argument all the way back. Now if he converse with his biker girls they are just friends who do what he does, drink a beer and talk the language. So reader if you can enlighten me from the outside looking in what is wrong with this relationship.