Until we go through a separation and divorce, I don’t think anyone ever really understands how emotionally painful it is. I certainly didn’t. Even my husband, who initiated the whole thing commented that he felt gutted—like someone had taken a painfully dull knife and unceremoniously ripped out his insides. Yep, I’d say that just about covers it!
How do you deal with an experience like that? There may be millions of handbooks and therapists to guide you, but ultimately, you have to work through it alone. It is really in the darkness of a sleepless night or in the intrusive burst of daylight on a very long and empty Sunday that you are called to manage your sore and bleeding inner self.
It’s About Self-care and Nurturing
At first, it seemed impossibly big to me. But now, as I look over the past several months, I can see a theme emerging. It is the theme of self-care. It is all about learning how to soothe and nurture oneself.
Sounds simple enough doesn’t it? Yet, it has not been. I think I fell into a trap that a lot of women do, specifically, nurturing everyone else but me. My goodness, just ask my friends how I treated the dog! I was totally invested in making sure all his needs were very well met. “Walk, play, feed, pet, play, feed, cuddle, cuddle, cuddle.” He was a very happy boy!
Feeling Good Needs to Be a Priority
Now I am learning to do that to myself and for myself. “Walk, play, feed, cuddle!” Okay, just kidding. Here’s a better example. I was doing a Law of Attraction all-day training in Ellicottville, New York last week. The initial plans were for me to go down with someone from the group and stay at their Chalet. Sounded nurturing enough. But as will happen when planning with lots of people, things changed, got complicated and I found myself spending a lot of energy managing the whole thing. And I started to feel bad.
My self-care and nurturing focus is on feeling good or even just a little bit better. I learned about that from listening to Abraham-Hicks tapes and from The Secret. Work at feeling better because your emotions are your point of attraction.
I made myself stop and look at the feelings I was having. I then asked myself, “What would help me to feel better?” The answer came in a flash. “Go on your own and book a nice motel for the night.” I immediately felt a sense of relief. So, I did it. And am I ever glad I did. I arrived late, grabbed some food, got under the covers, and watched my brothers debut TV show, Eli Stone. I was a happy camper.
Self-Care and Nurturing Helps Heal the Pain of Divorce
Self-care and nurturing is a powerful focus towards healing that inner wound caused by separation and divorce. It is a time when we have to finally get selfish, in the best possible way. We have to get selfish, because no one is coming to save us. We must save ourselves.
What could you do today that would be nurturing to you? It might be as simple as a quiet time away from people. How much self-nurturing do you do? How would you feel if you spent some time nurturing yourself? How might it spill out and help others?
You don’t need to wait until something “guts” you to practice self-care and nurturing. It is always a good idea to make “feeling good or even just a little better” a priority. It will raise your vibration and help you to reduce your struggles and attract more joy into your life.