It had been thirty-nine days. I made it a whole thirty-nine days can you believe it! But then things get hard, I work too many hours, and get close to nothing in pay. I am so stressed out I can’t stand to be around any one, yet too depressed to be alone. What goes thru my head all the time is the thought of how hungry I am, so I ate and ate. Shortly after I realized I had ate to much I couldn’t stand it. I couldn’t stand the feeling in my stomach or the thoughts in my head I had to get it out it was to much what had I done all my hard work and then failure, complete and total failure.
Then I waited two days to see what the scale said did I get it out fast enough or was it too late, two pounds I gained, the one thing I was afraid of when I quit. Now I’m back where I began. What’s the matter with me, have I gone crazy, why would I do this again, how stupid could I be. I can’t go on this is not right! This is sin! I don’t want to go on! I want to make it right. I wish I could just make it all go away. I wish I could see me the way others say they see me. People say nice things and it’s so hard to believe, all I see is roll after roll and fat every where, when will my eyes be open to see what they see. When will I finally be free.