Pretty much all my life I have dealt with the “friend zone,” a chimerical place where people are put and cast aside as potential boyfriends or girlfriends. From my experiences I would say most of the time I am placed in the “friend zone” because of what I do and say. But that really doesn’t bother me. What does bother me though, are the reasons as to why a girl places me in the “friend zone.”
First off, I’m a nice guy. Hell, I’m a really nice guy. I try my best to treat everyone with respect and kindness, because I know that’s how I’d like to be treated as well. And, I truly believe people deserve that level of respect until proven otherwise. I am a very loyal friend and will do just about anything for my friends, hands down. I am also very honest. I will tell my friends what they need to hear (usually the truth), rather than tell them what they want to hear. I am able to see the good in people and try my best to get others to show it, which is why I believe many of my friends confide in me.
From my experiences and listening to what girls want in a guy, I would say that kindness, loyalty, and honesty are three traits that are very important to possess. Oddly enough though, these three traits are what put me in the “friend zone” more often than not.
I hear a lot of girls say that many guys are a bunch of jerks. Though I can’t say I disagree with them (I have met many jerks in my day), I can say that not all guys are jerks. I hear the story all the time—“He was really nice to me at first then turned into a jerk.”
First off, people rarely change dramatically. If he “suddenly” turned into a jerk, it’s most likely he was always a jerk and you just didn’t take the time to realize it. It’s something the insurance companies would call a “pre-existing condition.”
Which brings me back to the ole “friend zone.” Many girls will tell me that the reason I was put in the “friend zone” was because I didn’t make it known that I was interested by making a move fast enough. Apparently, if I’m interested in a girl I need to kiss her practically as soon as possible. Whatever happened to getting to know someone before taking that first step? I think the biggest problem with relationships ending quickly is that people rush into them too fast. They jump to the physical parts of a relationship long before they have any solid ground to stand on.
I truly believe a relationship will last far longer and be far more enjoyable if a good friendship is established first. Afterall, I would expect my future wife to also double as my best friend. So it would only make sense to make sure that this person is a good friend (and therefore, a good person) before truly making any moves, right?
I believe there’s a constant fallacy that intimacy has to do with sexual interaction, when on the contrary it simply means to have an affectionate, loving, and deep understanding with another person. Who do you know better than your best friends?
Well, the physical parts of a relationship are all good fun, but they’re not fulfilling. I’m looking for more than that and I will continue to search for that, even if it puts me in many more “friend zones.”
Hell, go ahead and put me in the “friend zone,” and even label me a nice guy. Because, if avoiding being put in the “friend zone” means losing my respect, integrity, and honor of who I am and how I treat others, then I’m doing quite all right with where I am.
Remember ladies, in any given time, you’ll probably meet far more jerks looking for a one-night stand then you will nice guys. Why? Because the nice guys are usually the ones who don’t make the moves and are less aggressive. It’s not that they’re shy or not interested, but because they respect themselves and most of all, they respect you.