Today for your toilet related amusement, I bring you … The Manic Mom Dash. Let me set the scene for you:
One mom. One four year old princess. One eighteen-month-old monkey and one swim diaper. Yes, I did it. I made the uber blunder of all diaper parenting blunders. I insanely assumed that a swim diaper would hold up for forty-five minutes. We hit the once upon a child parking lot and as I released monkey from his car seat, his lower extremities released something from his body. I only had a swim diaper at my disposal and I naively assumed it would hold for twenty minutes or so, while I shopped, um yeah … we know all about “assuming” so just hush.
About fifteen minutes in, princess comes up and taps me on the back: “Mom, Monkey’s wet”
Her: “ Really, really wet mom”
I quickly sprint over to their play area, and see nothing unusual, until he turns around. It looks like he sat in a puddle. I leave him there and quickly pay for my items, grab the bathroom key and take him to the restroom. There we have a face off while I ponder the options before me. Finally, I decide upon a plan, strip off the clothes, shoes and swim diaper. I put him in new clothes, sans diaper and we literally run of the store, through the parking lot and to the car. Why you ask? Because my son is sitting in shorts without a diaper.
We make serious tracks to the nearest Target, I throw the car into park, yank the kids out and run through the parking lot into the store. I toss monkey into the cart and book it at Manic Mom speed to the diaper section. I spot my “target,” rip the package open, strip monkey down and lay him on the floor. Praying all the while to be spared the “golden fountain” that all moms of boys are too familiar with. I diaper him at speeds that would have any “pig rassler” giving me props, and then put the shorts back on him.
Finally, I breathe. Then I look behind me. There are two bewildered Target employees, 1 stunned old lady, two bemused moms and one totally lost teenager staring at me and my kids.
I have two choices. Own it with pride or duck in shame.
I owned it.
“Yep, I did it,” I told them, “I bargained with the potty devil and lost, I diapered him in a swimmer and learned my soaking wet lesson.” One mom snickered, one mom gasped in horror, two Target employees reminded me to pay for the diapers and the old lady and teenager just stood with their mouths gaping open.
I did it. I did the Manic Mom Dash, gambled with the potty devil and came out even.
So, what did you do today?