Hello to all, my name is Grant Smith. I was in my early twenties when severe depression struck me, and I came very close to death. I took what I thought would be enough sleeping pills mixed with alcohol to do me in. My girlfriend had broken up with me and that triggered my suicide attempt. I have been very angry with God for a very long time.
Now I am thirty and I’m just starting to understand why seemingly bad things happen to people. It’s to make us stronger, for that which does not kill us makes us stronger in the end. To make a very long story short, after injesting seventeen sleeping pills, I started dozing off. Everytime I came close to full sleep, a flash of light went off in my brain and woke me up. I hadn’t told anyone my plans, but somehow my mother had a bad feeling that I was at home and I was alone with the pills in my stomach for an hour and a half. She came in, broke the door down, and by then my veins had started getting smaller and closing up. I could feel death coming upon me. That was my ultimate Hell.
I believe we create our own Hell. Since my early attempts of suicide and being in and out of hospitals, I have been doing a lot better. I am in a band now, I have had girlfriends, and I am trying harder now than I ever have before to live and be happy.
I am still not out of the woods, so to speak, but I’m a lot closer than I have been in the past. I put a prayer request in at a gym in Hampstead not too very long ago. I told them I was a twenty-eight-year-old male with problems. It went to Hampstead Baptist Church five months later down the road this was in 2006. I was writing a song on the beach called “Invisible Soul.” I looked down and found a seashell on the beach with a laminated piece of paper. Inside i read the words, “Blessed are those who thirst and hunger for righteousness for they shall be filled.”—Matthew 5 verse 6. That was my greater awakening; even though I am not religious, I am spiritual, and I believe in God.
I hope someone will find comfort in this and I hope it will be received by you.
God bless you,
Eric Grant Smith