You do not want to tell this person anything that you do not want the entire workplace to know about. This person can, however, be manipulated easily to spread false yet complimentary rumors like sexual prowess, penis and cup size, as well as attractive coworkers you have slept with …
This person is simply not happy unless he/she is unhappy. This person is always good for a laugh after he/she leaves the room since this person usually whines about ridiculously stupid stuff like stapler theft and computer problems.
This person is always trying to keep people in a good mood regardless of the situation and is usually good enough to at least coax a smile out. This person however can be rather annoying if the other person does not want to be cheered up due to the fact that his/her dog died or a family member got ran over by a steam roller.
Any person who mentions Jesus’ name more than 300 times in a two minute conversation.
The Midlife Crisis Guy
This guy is usually in his fifties and named Skip. He consistently chases after women who are way out of his league, drives a sports car that he can barely fit in, has a bad comb over and/or bad toupee, and has an earring or gold chain because he thinks it’s “cool” and that the aforementioned ladies like it.
This person is pretty pathetic and consistently allows the management to take advantage of him by being their whipping boy. All this abuse is taken with a smile and the hope of advancement although everyone knows it will never happen.
Although not technically a personality, these guys know more about what’s going on in the building than most managers. They always know whose getting fired and whether the coffee is fresh and unlike the informer most of their information is dead on accurate. It’s amazing how you tend to not think about the guy emptying your trash as having a set of ears.
Many times this personality is in management and is never happy with results even if they are the best. For example in the event of a 98.5 percent accuracy with a goal of 90 percent the perfectionist would seriously ask what happened to the other 1.5 percent. The perfectionist is statistically the main reason that employees decide to bring an automatic weapon to work for show and tell.
This person will always disagree with any plan you have regardless of merit, yet will not be able to explain why. This person is very easy to manipulate however by simply using reverse psychology and taking the opposite stance of what you really want.
Paranoia runs rampant in this person’s psyche. This person believes that everything and everyone is out to get him or her. Nothing that happens to this person in his/her own mind can be attributed to incompetence or laziness on their part, only the fact that no one likes this person and wants them to be fired. Those coworkers around him/her do want this person gone, but just because they get sick of hearing about the conspiracy theories on a constant basis.
The Stuck Up Snob
No one loves people like this half as much as they love themselves. Their cubicle, home and any web space they have is littered with pictures of only themselves and lots of mirrors to admire themselves like they believe everyone else does. In reality, most everyone looks down on this individual and pathetically arrogant.
This person is like riding a bike, everyone has tried it at least once. Even though this person is a little on the skanky side, he/she is useful and can be consulted before buying any sex toys or similar equipment since he/she surely has experience and knowledge in that area.