Recovery from an eating disorder isn’t all smooth sailing (obviously!) Unfortunately there are those on the outside watching the recovery process, that may assume that if you have put on the recommended amount of weight (in the case of anorexia), that you’re recovered. It takes a long time for the mind to catch up with the body.
When I first hit my goal weight, it felt horrible. I felt scared and out of control. I looked healthy from the outside, but what was going on in my head was a totally different story. The professionals told me it could take up to eighteen months of being at a healthy weight (a BMI of twenty) for me to become comfortable within my own body. Unfortunately I couldn’t wait that long, and soon decided I wasn’t okay with my weight, and started the downward spiral once again.
It takes a hell of a lot of effort to maintain at a healthy weight and give it enough time for it to “be okay” in your mind. The good news is that, if you persist, and get up and brush yourself off when you fall down, again and again, you will get there. It is incredibly hard, and those people who tell you to just eat to get better have very little idea of the constant fight going on inside your head that tells you that you’re fat, have eaten too much, and have no control.
I know how hard it is to go through the same thing, again and again. To have to decide every meal of every day that recovery is worth fighting for, and that it won’t be pleasant, but that it is worth all the pain and struggle.
Recovery from eating disorders is possible, and it is also truly wonderful. Keep fighting, please, and you will get there. Life is beautiful. To breathe deeply and look up and feel the warmth of the sun on your body is only the start of the amazing life you can lead, free of an eating disorder.
Thanks for reading.