I’m always beating my head against the same brick wall over and over again. Even though I know it is not going anywhere, I continue running straight for it and WHAM fall back down. I tell myself, “Morgan, you can’t keep drinking like this!” It’s almost like I traded my eating disorder in for alcoholism. If I would stop drinking MAYBE I would loose some f***ing WEIGHT, considering I waste all my calories on alcohol. When I drink I forget about my insecurities and my flaws … hell, I begin to love my body! At times a little too much. Yeah, I’ve become THAT girl who likes to take her clothes off in front of her girlfriends and ask, “Do you think I am fat?” This is so embarrassing to me, and my poor husband OMG, he is probably so tired of me doing this. I flirt more and I dance very provocative enjoying my curves and womanly shape that exudes sexuality. Obviously I realize most people, women usually, let down their “hair” so to speak when they get tipsy.
So mad at me!
Alcoholism … hmmm … I don’t drink during the day … unless it is a social thing … never drink by myself (maybe a beer) … doesn’t mess with my work … I have at least two to three drinks a night!
When we go to a party, or function … I get wasted 75 percent of the time. I feel more comfortable in my skin after a few drinks.
Then I cry because I can’t seem to loose weight, dumb, dumb, alcohol is sugar … turns into FAT …
Wow I am rambling this morning, sorry for the attitude! I just needed to get it out, I can’t really admit it to anyone else for fear of judgment and ridicule … shear embarrassment!
Today is a new day and after the hangover I suffered from yesterday I and going to make a difference … no more absinth (a trick shot, thanks to a friend that happened to be moonshine YUCK) for me, maybe that’s why I rolled on the grass in my own puke! Yeah embarrassing I know, had to go get my car the next day and realize I not only took my clothes off again, but I rolled in my own puke. VERY SEXY!
Maybe just maybe, I will STOP hitting this wall!