I am a mom of two and was a single mom for four years so. Now that I am married again and have a second child with my husband, Trevor, there are times when I find it very hard not to tell him that they are MY kids and it will be done MY way! I know as a parent we all have our opinions on how things should be handled with our children and I am sure in every marriage there are disagreements over how a specific offense, decision, whatever should be handled, but after years of doing it on my own I find it extremely hard to share the duty!
And to make things worse, my husband is active duty army, so on top of not being there for the beginning of my older boy’s life, he was gone for the first nine months of my fifteenth-month boy’s life as well. Now we are running into the adjustments that come from Daddy being back home. And let me tell you this, I thought that after a month or two of Trevor being home things would settle down, but now I am finding that the real adjustments don’t start until MONTHS later … it’s like the first few months you are on vacation, and therefore nothing really happens!
But anyway, my older boy, Quinton, who is seven and just started the second grade this week, has been a bit of a terror lately! He is dealing with a lot of changes in the last year and a half, so it is expected, but I don’t let him get away with it! But at the same time, I feel that a punishment should be appropriate for the offence, and my husband doesn’t always agree! I don’t think that a spanking is always the answer!
So the other day, Quinton was cleaning his room, and Trevor went in to check on his progress, and somehow found out that Quinton had emptied one of the toy bins in his room and pissed in it, cause he didn’t want to walk to the bathroom! Needless to say I was NOT HAPPY, but I wanted to discuss it with my husband and decide what to do about it, and he wanted to IMMEDIATLEY bust his butt! Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t think a spanking was out of line, but I wanted to discuss it and see if there was something more appropriate we could come up with that would ensure the lesson sunk in. But Trevor wanted nothing to do with that, he was angry and wanted to spank the child NOW … which is something I also try not to do … I don’t want my child to think that the spanking came because I was angry. I want him to understand that if he gets a spanking it was for a reason and that it wasn’t cause he made Mommy mad. So I told Trevor that he was not going to spank MY child without talking to me about it first … which did NOT go over well!
So now we are arguing over the fact that it is his child too, and I am biting my tongue not to tell him that Quinton is MY child not his and he has no right, because he is in the process of adopting Quinton and does have a right. And I find it really difficult to deal with the entire situation, because no matter how long Trevor is in our lives, it will never change the fact that for years it was just me and Quinton, and I will always look at him as mine!
Is that wrong? How do I explain that to my husband and still let him know that I want him in my son’s life, and that he is Quinton’s Daddy? I just don’t know quite how to deal with it!
Anyway that is my rant for the day
Oh by the way, Quinton got a spanking, and is scrubbing my toilets for the next two weeks … lol.