A couple of nights ago, the guys from the firehouse and myself got together to talk about the opposite sex. I asked this question: “What do you look for in a woman?” I was surprised to find out it was some of the simplest things, but by that same token it was some of the things that are becoming more and more extinct in our society. They named different attributes but when we stripped it down to the bare bones, these five things were at top of the list: self-esteem, brains, confidence, the chase, and enigma.
The looks and all that were thrown to the wind because we as a collective understood that superficial beauty is short lived. We recalled stories of passed love and the ones that stood out and the characteristics that made them special. Some of them married their prospective catches and are thankful to this day that they didn’t let them slip through the fingers. Other realized the errors of their ways and wished they had the sense they have about them now as opposed to back then. Granted, this is not the end all be all list, but we agreed that this was a top five. So here you go.
Self-esteem was number one. It seemed that low self-esteem was equal to that of driving through life with the hand break on. The reason it was number one was that it is the reputation we acquire with ourselves. There is overwhelming evidence that the higher confidence is, the more likely we will treat others with respect, kindness, and generosity. A consensus was agreed upon that when one believes in themselves, there are amazing things that they could accomplish. Having a good sense of self allows one to stand up for what they believe in. It acts like a security representative of your worth, identity, personal strength, and shows the quality of your emotional anchor.
It also showed a willingness to learn. Think about it—every act of conscious learning required a willingness to suffer an injury to one’s self-esteem. That is why young children, before they are aware of their own self-importance, learn so easily. Love was also attached to this; in the experiences combined, it seemed that a high self-esteem made it easier for the expression an assertion because when you love yourself it is easier to love someone else. Finally it was agreed that the most problematic lovers were insecure in who they were, had a tendency to be resentful, and would back down to keep the peace. All turn offs characteristic of those with low self-esteem.
Brain was a close second; I am talking very close second. To the male fault, we know that the average woman would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average man can see much better than he can think. Yes it is funny that everyone will complain about their looks but not their brains as we agreed that is what can make or break a person. But it is like a double edge sword because if a woman has intellect she might as well have a danger sign printed on her forehead. Warning: woman can be dangerous to your sanctity, genitals, confidence, razor blades, current account, and good standing among your friends. (The last two are reflections on men trying to please woman through financial standing and friends who get put on the back burner due to the amount of time being spent perusing or wooing.) Strong-minded women are less likely to sacrifice their day and waste it on combating the menial forces of hate, jealously, and envy. As far as I go, I use all the brains I have and all that I can borrow, so I know this is not an easy fill.
Right on the heel of that was the chase. Yes that’s right, the chase. This is the one that was a sleeper. A man is like a cat—chase him and he will run. Sit still and ignore him and he’ll come purring at your feet. As we tossed around this conversation, we collectively agreed it’s not the quarry, but the chase; not the trophy, but the race. As I used to be a cop, this made sense to them and they approved of my analogy. Few people understand the psychology of dealing with a highway traffic cop. You see your normal speeders will panic and immediately pull over to the side. This is wrong; it arouses contempt in the cop’s heart. So the moral—make the bastard chase you and he will follow. Man loves to be the hunter; it gives him a since of purpose and a woman is his game, shining and beautiful and just as dangerous. We hunt and they love us for it. But when the game is over before it has begun, then there is nothing to grow off of. If there is to be a story of us, there has to be a story worth telling.
I know this is fourth but keep in mind these were ranked only because I like order; truly it could have gone any way. If you must know, confidence ended up in this position due to an arm wrestling match lost. Part of knowing yourself, confidence is that feeling by which the mind embarks in great and honorable courses with the hope and trust in itself. If you don’t have this then you are twice defeated in the race of life. That’s why it is so important; with confidence you have won before you’ve started. Like one of my fire buddies said, “Regardless of how you feel inside, always try to look like a winner.”
There can be no greater courage where there is no confidence or assurance, and half the battle is in the conviction that we do what we undertake. This factor alone can give you the mental edge that can result in the woman’s victory. Nothing is sexier than and looks better than that of a confident, self-assured woman. She knows who she is, what she is about, she knows what she wants and is clear and concise about it. She is her own person and needs not to be completed but to be complemented. She loves herself and therefore can give her love to those who are worthy. With all this she knows her self worth and will not compromise her integrity because that would be an injustice to her self and she knows she is better than that. All of this falls under the umbrella of confidence.
Finally, I know you have been waiting so with out further ado, enigma is the fifth element. Yes, women drive us crazy and yes it is a two-way street, but like a rubix-cube we can put it down. I don’t care what any man says and as sad as it sounds, we sat around and smiled on this last one. A mysterious woman is a beautiful woman; the more we cannot wrap our head around what she is, the more we are drawn to her. It keeps us engaged, just like how woman want a man who is tall, dark, and handsome. Key word being dark, meaning that sense of mystery. Well we too want the same thing. When you hear a man describing a woman and he says, “There is just something about her I can put my finger on.” That can only be one thing—she has an enigmatic presence and he wants to know more. The more he gets to know her the more he is sucked in and the more he gets sucked in the more into you he becomes. A woman who acts like an old icebox and can hold nothing in, just like the icebox serves no purpose.
Men want a woman with whom he can connect, but just like the best books you’ve read, they want an adventure. I am not talking Lara Croft, but someone who make us work a bit so we know a woman’s worth and something that allows us to appreciated the value of what we have invested ourselves in. The greatest pride comes from a job well done because if you are not going to do it right, then what is the point of doing it? By it, I mean love, life, and the pursuit of happiness.