I woke up this morning feeling somewhat hopeful. It has been many days that I have not. You see, I have come to realize that I am a true survivor of life. I grew up motherless and with a father who raged and drank a lot. I felt lost for many years not knowing which way to turn. I kept looking for happiness, peace, saneness of mind. I kept looking outside of myself.
I was a very troubled child, teenager, adult. I did many things to try to find love, many boys in my younger years. I married in my early twenties and am still with my current husband. He was my hero, my knight in shining armor, but I realized that he too cannot fill my void of shame, despair, and hopelessness. There has been some controlling and abuse in my marriage.
My sister tells me I must have read every self help book on the market, still trying to find myself, to fill the void. I have been to counseling, recovery programs, church, hypnotist, etc. You name it, I’ve probably tried it.
I have realized that acceptance of myself is the key. I have many wonderful qualities. I am strong, compassionate, reliable, funny, smart, loyal, and a true survivor. I focused on the negative. I deserve to focus on the positive.
I will say that all the trials and tribulations I have been through has brought me to this point of inner strength and all the self help books, programs, etc. I did helped a lot, but accepting me for me I think is the key.