Give yourself the gift of truth and find out how your pleasing behaviors are affecting your self-esteem and self-confidence.
Guess what? Any mistake can be good when it helps lead you to learn more about truth and your true self. Truth is like a clean window that lets in light and allows you to see more clearly. The truth is this nothing and no one can give you self-esteem and acceptance—only yourself. Real self-confidence and self-esteem always comes from within. It’s a gift you give yourself.
A Tool to Find Out What Kind of Pleaser You Might Be?
Answering the following questions may give you insights into your behaviors. Answer with the first thing that pops into your mind. If you change it you are second guessing yourself and that is being dishonest with yourself.
If you can take it a step further circle which ones you want to change.
Take the quiz and answer as follows:
1. “That’s me.”
2. “That’s me sometimes and sometimes not.”
3. “No not me, but there are some similarities.”
4. “That’s not really me.”
5. “No not me.”
______1. I feel insecure and not very confident much of the time.
______2. I feel I have to “walk on eggshells” to keep everyone from getting angry.
______3. My father was distant or unloving most of the time.
______4. When I’m at the grocery store and shorted a penny or two on change, I don’t ask for it.
______5. I feel overpowered by my husband, boyfriend, or fiancé’.
______6. I feel I really can’t do most things right.
______7. I’m always saying, “I should have, I ought to … ”
______8. My husband and children know how to make me feel guilty.
______9. I feel like hiding, running away, not dealing with things.
______10. I don’t like confrontations. They’re just too unpleasant.
______11. I often fake it and tell others I like what they’re doing or saying when I really don’t.
______12. If I try on six or seven pairs of shoes at the store, I feel I’m obligated to buy at least one pair.
______13. I often feel as if lm not really running my own life.
______14. I don’t get many “strokes” from those I love.
______15. I am easily talked into choices that please other people more than they please me.
______16. When I take the initiative or stand up for my rights, I feel apprehensive or embarrassed.
______17. If I am ignored, insulted, or given poor service in a store or restaurant, I let it go because it isn’t worth the hassle to complain.
______18. I feel I have few choices or options to improve my life.
______19. I don’t get much respect from my mate.
______20. Taking on new tasks makes me feel afraid and apprehensive.
25 or below. You are a SUPER SUFFERING PL EASER. You are definitely in the hands of a controller or possibly a misogynist who is constantly criticizing and abusing you verbally and, on occasions, physically. You need help, probably from an outside source such as a counselor.
25-50. You are a DEPRESSED PLEASER. You have a knack for finding the losers or the losing situations in life. You are probably tied to a “mega loser” who keeps you involved with him because “he needs you.” Or perhaps you are being victimized by a husband who is a womanizer wanderer or deadbeat who can’t keep a job. You are hanging on by your fingernails but starting to slip.
50-75. You are a PLAYED-OUT PLEASER. You are making a go of life, but often feel exhausted and under the pressure—as if someone’s always wanting a piece of you. You don’t get respect, you wish you could stand up for your rights but you really don’t know how.
75-90. You are a MILDLY DISCOURAGED PLEASER. Life isn’t all that bad. You have good times to offset the bad, but you know things could be much, much better.
90 and above. You are a POSITIVE PLEASER. You like to please but have enough assertiveness and self-esteem to find fulfillment, satisfaction, and enjoyment. Your family gives you the love and support you need, and your pleasing efforts are an even exchange for that love and support.
Now go back and reread the ones you circled. Ask yourself how you can change this reaction in yourself. Remember the first step is becoming aware of damaging behaviors. With this awareness as the golden key for change, make a commitment between yourself and your Higher Power to do the best you can in changing that one behavior you’ve chosen. Through truth, you can turn your pleaser behaviors around and gain a healthy self-esteem and self-confidence. And that’s the truth in a bite size portion of life as I have discovered.