I don’t know what it is, but the older I get, the more lost and confused I get. And several people I know are in the same boat. Could it be that we all go through an early-life crisis? I’m stuck in a world somewhere between adulthood and childhood, not quite fitting in with either group. I’m scared and curious and confused at the same time about what life has in store and how I should act/react, etc. Things suddenly bother me that once didn’t, and at times I feel completely out of control.
Life is never what you plan it to be ... but on the other hand, I’m not exactly clear on how to plan it. There are a few keys things that I want for my life, but sometimes I don’t know how to get there, so I wind up going in circles, getting dizzy. The past year has been a large circle it seems, and I’m desperately trying to get off the continuous round-a-bout road and get on a straight path—only I’m not sure which path to take. I’d be happy any way I go, as long as it’s not a circle, but which one is best for me? I’m having a time trying to figure that one out. Hence the early life crisis.
We can all sense that we’re gonna have to bite the bullet and really grow up soon, but for F’s sake, it sure is fun sometimes being footloose and fancy-free! Not that adults can’t be footloose, but there is a line. Unfortunately for me, I like to cross lines. I like to push the envelope to see simply how far I can get it. But I can’t keep crossing lines my whole life, can I? Guess it depends on what kind of line it is.
Confusing times we live in. I can’t seem to straighten everything out in my head like I want to. So for now, I’m just staying dizzy!
(Originally written in May 2008. I’ve gained some clarity on life and am not necessarily going in a circle anymore—more like an extremely curvy line! And I still push the occasional envelope ... in a classy way, of course.)