The truth of the matter was that Summer was not going to save me. If anything she was going to destroy me … and that destruction was divorce, money, and the loss of my children. She was not anywhere near the dance floor and her thoughts were on having an open marriage. She was committed to it, and as long as I went along with it, we would continue to be committed to our family and some extent to each other.
My choice was to go for it and see what happens next. I would cross the line first. Rachael was hot! She was blond and ready. I had a willing partner. What she wanted from this guy was way beyond me. I looked at her and said, “Okay … let’s go.”
“We are going to have a good time” she responded to me. “Has anybody ever told you you’re one fine … good looking man.” I laughed but thought: Ah, no, maybe once by a blind girl who could only feel my face with her hands when I was wearing a realistic mask of Tom Cruise. So off we went. We walked out to her car … I helped her in and stood ready for directions of where this blistering sex-thing might be taking place. She looked at me and said, “Get in.” I really hesitated at first thinking that she was a mass murderer of men who were involved in open marriages and trying to take advantage of other women. But because I am a man, horny as hell, with hormones designed to impregnate anything with a heartbeat (and for that I apologize for the whole male population), I got in.
Suddenly—I got hit with a 120-pound blond bowling ball. Before I knew it she was out of her clothes, thong intact, breathing so hard the windows fogged over like an early morning in San Francisco. I’m not sure how or when the condom slid on. I may have put it on in the beginning of the night … hours earlier. I tried to keep some composure, but all my thoughts were now being directly controlled by my penis. I did not know whether to go for it or call the police. I went with it. Summer did things to me that I’ve never had done to me. All in the front seat of a Chevy Impala. I felt like I had sex for the very first time. I definitely lost weight. But … I could not have an orgasm. My thoughts kept going back and forth from alcohol, to Summer, to my kids, to Rachael, and back to Summer. I’m really not sure if Rachael had one either. I wasn’t paying attention. Sorry Rachael if you’re reading. The whole thing lasted about twenty or thirty minutes. Afterward I needed the attention of the emergency room, oxygen, and some IV fluids. Afterward I wanted to go home; I wanted to see Summer.
Afterward I felt excited to have gotten laid by a really good looking, cool girl … but I felt somewhat betrayed by myself. This open marriage stuff was not going to be easy. Some of me liked it. Some of me hated myself, and some of me now did not know who the hell I was anymore. And to top it all off—I didn’t get off. At least if I did, I would have something to show for all this ambivalence.
We talked some, we kissed some, we cuddled some in the front seat of that Chevy after it was all said and done. She really was a pretty cool girl, but she had lots of question like what did I do, where did I work, what was tomorrow’s winning lottery numbers, and what was my cell phone number. I did not and was not willing to tell her anything about my personal or professional life. Open marriages meant rules that are to be strictly adhered to, but can sometimes be unfair to those that happened to be involved. Admittedly, this is wrong but there is no way around it unless you decide to developed some sort of long lasting relationship. This can be your choice, but Summer and I decided that one night stands with very strict rules was the way to go for now. We wanted to see if there would be some change with us. All of the information we read said that an open marriage may just spice things up. May just make the relationship stronger. May just give us exactly what it is that we needed, to have a fulfilling experience when it comes to relationships with other individuals. There was only one big problem. The articles said that we have to be strong on top. We have to be secure in our relationship.
I love Summer to death and was willing to try this thing. I was rolling the dice though because Summer on the other hand, told me straight up that she loved me as the father of our children, and respected me as someone who would be there for our family, but that she was not madly in love with me. This makes the chances of success with our open marriage even less, but it is all that I have for now.
As for Rachael well we went back inside the bar and she followed me around like a lost kitten. It wasn’t that I didn’t like her … I just wanted to get back to Summer. I wanted to come clean. I wanted her to tell me it was okay that this thing went down. I wanted her to tell me that she changed her mind and that she forgave me. I left Rachael at the bar and told her that I would be back the next weekend and we would hook up again if she wanted. She couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t take her number or give her mine. I would have loved to be with her again, but rules were rules and I was going to stick by them. Deep down I didn’t want to see her again which makes me think I have some kind of alien brain tumor being that she was so hot. I embraced the experience but I was not going to let it control me. What happened, happened. Now it was time to see if there would be any change with Summer. Getting to her was all that I could think of.
Tomorrow … our rules and Summer’s response.