After Valentine’s Day dinner the rings came off, and the rules kicked in. We did not have friends to go out with so we crotch hunted together at our favorite bars. Unfortunately, the night didn’t go quite as planned. There was no partying down or hooking up. I argued with Summer about inviting a friend, that earlier, we agreed on was not going to fit in with our new strategies. She had her argument about why she did this, but I didn’t see it her way. I felt like she was having things her way. Here, she has a particularly good safe person who was not about to leave her and, would do anything for her and our family. She knows I am her safe person, and is secure about this, and yes, to the point of taking me for granted. Shame on me! No matter what, I will always be there, through thick and thin. Still, she wants her cake and have some pudding too.
We talk a lot about the concept of open marriages especially since I’m almost through with Jenny Block’s book, Open. But I realize that it is mostly me who talks about it. She will add her opinion if I ask for it, but she does not add much beyond that. It’s amazing that I did not bring up going “dating” past our very nice dinner together last night. As we were driving down the road she asked, “Okay … what do you want to do.” Knowing well what she meant, I took off my ring and handed it to her. She immediately took off hers. We were on the same page once again but I couldn’t help thinking that maybe we weren’t. I was starting to understand that even though I understood what it was that she needed out of our mutual infidelity (for lack of a better word) I didn’t really understand what her plan was for having an open marriage. Was she in it for the sex? Was she in it for the companionship? Was she in it to find someone else? What was she in this for? If someone partakes in something they always get something out of it right? I simply did not know. I tried asking her…but all she says is, “I don’t really know.” I try leading her and she agrees with what I have to say about my reasons, “Yes, that is what I’m looking for too.” Still, she is not committed or convicted about the idea. I know she wants to do this. I know she is somewhat excited. But I feel she is in it for other reasons beyond my reasons. Shouldn’t we be on the same page with this? Shouldn’t we have similar goals? I am, to say the least, very nervous about this. It leaves open an uncertainty about this open marriage. She does have a conviction to do this thing though…leading to the taking off of our rings. And the reason why this concerns me has to do with a very horny Surgeon.
Summer met this Surgeon in the middle of December (so she says). She was sitting in a chair and mister charming came over and rubbed her neck. She admitted to me that she was really turned on … and even got … well … wet. Admittedly, he is a nice guy and extremely well off. He is married, and supposedly has three kids. Can you say FIRE! He is fire for a number of reasons … financially we are not on the same playing field. Emotionally, he has the upper hand. He is new and exciting to her. He makes her wet … and I feel threatened by someone who she would easily ride off with into the dreamy sunset. This is not what this is supposed to be about. But is it? Why can’t she pursue whomever she wants to? Why can’t she have sex with whomever she wants to? Why can’t she develop an emotional relationship with whomever she likes…whenever she likes, as long as things do get better between us. Isn’t that the plan, man? Wasn’t that the reason for screwing a pretty good looking, and in shape blond? The difference between us was that I was willing to do the one-night stands. I think she wants the long-term relationships and is only appeasing me with the potential for a one night stand. Well, if you have read all of my diary entries you’d know that I caught Summer being felt up by mister surgeon in his office one afternoon. She told me all the incredible details. If I hadn’t caught her when I did, it sounds like he would of done very explicit surgery on her g-spot. This is where it gets hairy. She told me all the details of why this happened. Generally speaking, she was bored and life was mundane. She knew who she was in the past and wanted to stop hiding it. She buried these feelings for three years, and now it was time to dig them up and give them new life. But, was the open marriage thing a ruse just to get to this Surgeon? Was she texting and calling him? Was he still in the loop? Does she want him for more than a one time fling? Because of her lack of informing me of exactly what she wants out of this open marriage … I cannot help but think that being permanently with this Surgeon is her ultimate goal (or at least a potential one). I’m not sure at this point but one thing is sure, if your thinking about an open marriage, make sure you know exactly what the intentions are. Make sure you know what the overall plan is, and what the end point should be (even though there is no guarantee). Or you will end up exactly how I feel right now. More soon … gotta go be daddy.