Every relationship reaches a lull, where both parties are just co-existing, rather than uniting and being a couple. Each person has become comfortable with the other and the sparks have stopped flying (except for the occasional power surge after a busy week without sex). Remember the first few months together, where you hear “Have I told you how beautiful you are today?” Remember slow dancing around the living room to your favorite unplugged album? Those days are long gone due to hectic schedules, and let’s face it, he has you now. He doesn’t feel the need to impress you with every word he says. As long as you’re satisfied, he’s content that he’s doing a good job as a boyfriend; and he is, he’s faithful, he treats you with respect, and he says “I love you.” (If he doesn’t say I love you, you may not have reached the point in the relationship where this is affecting you.)
I was recently listening to a Kenny Rogers song (“Buy Me a Rose”) that summed up exactly how I was feeling about my relationship; the first verse and chorus go like this:
He works hard to give her all he thinks she wants
Three-car garage, her own credit cards
He pulls in late to wake her up with a kiss goodnight
If he could only read her mind
Buy me a rose
Call me from work
Open a door for me what would it hurt
Show me you love me by the look in your eyes
These are the little things
I need the most of my life.
Sometimes, a man can get so caught up in providing for us, paying the bills, and working hard, that he doesn’t stop to realize it’s been months since he last told you how beautiful he thinks you are. He starts to think a “date” is when you meet him after work for a quick bite to eat before heading home to go straight to bed for the next crazy day. He sees you happy, and feels as though he’s doing everything he needs to do, plus he sees you still doing the laundry and dishes without a complaint, so he sees everything as “going good.”
I KNOW I’m not the only one who feels this way. Sometimes, as women, we just need to be showered with affection, told how beautiful we are, and yes, even occasionally get flowers from him for no reason at all! That’s part of how we’re made. And men are not completely to blame for those of us who feel that this part is missing from our relationship; most of us will not go up to him and say “HEY, AREN’T I SPECIAL TO YOU ANYMORE?”
There have been times where I will spend all evening getting dolled up, and making everything perfect so he’ll notice me when he gets home. I’ll put on my sexy little nighty and be waiting on the couch with the lights dimmed and he’ll come in, kiss me once, then turn on the TV, and prop up his feet for the rest of the night. It’s discouraging! The sad part is that he doesn’t see it as anything more than “She’s ready for bed already,” (or at least that’s what I let myself believe when he looks right through all the hard work I did to look good for him). Point is, guys aren’t always keen on our signals as ladies.
While I don’t believe that we should have to take his hands and guide him through Romance 101, I am a firm believer that talking to him and letting him know how you feel is one of the best ways to get him on board! Let’s face it, when you have sex, it’s always better once you and your partner have figured out what each of you like. It’s the same with a relationship! Trust me, he’s going to appreciate you telling him how he can make you feel special, and I can assure you he’d prefer your input over a nervous breakdown where you cry uncontrollably screaming, “YOU DON’T LOVE ME ANYMORE!!!” Talk to him, he is only a man, and he (like most men) doesn’t understand the complex threadwork of your female, hormone hijacked brain. Don’t shut him out and act like he’s the world’s worst boyfriend because of this. As we always hear, communication really is the key to any good relationship.
Give him credit, and if you talk to him about this and he tries, don’t discount it if it’s not perfect! (i.e. he got you pink roses instead of red ones, or he took you out to an Italian restaurant instead of your favorite French cuisine) He’s trying! Thank him; show him that you appreciate this effort! He took something you had into consideration and tried to do something special for you. If you complain about the details at this point, he will be thoroughly discouraged and probably not try that again, since he couldn’t seem to do it right.
I once read that a lot of men are afraid to plan out a date because they don’t think they can top a previous date. (Like the time he spread rose petals up the stairs to the door of his apartment, had the whole place lit in candlelight, made you spaghetti—complete with heart shaped meatballs—and led you to his bedroom, also candle lit, with a single rose, and a box of your favorite chocolates –true story, sorry. I had to brag on my man for a minute) Face it; he’s not going to be able to top the date where he stole your heart on a weekly occasion! Take every date he plans for what it is, something he planned for you, because he does, in fact, love you.