Hello ladies, my name is Luyah and I have a question for you. Who wants to break up with unhealthy?
I am new to DivineCaroline and I have a lot to share. Please check out this excerpt from: “The Love Letter from Unhealthy Foods for Women,” I guarantee it will jump start you into making healthier choices in life. I am placing a scenario for you to enjoy afterward, this will help me to know if you understood the message that unhealthy is trying to send to you, besides you are bound to get some comic relief out of it. I believe this is a great way for me to meet new friends on DivineCaroline, enjoy and may god bless you all.
An excerpt from “The Love Letter from Unhealthy Foods for Women” by J.Ivey
Hello sweetheart, how are you feeling today? I’ve been hearing talk all over town that you have been thinking about leaving me. Haven’t I been there for you? Haven’t I been home every single night waiting patently for you to come in? I’m on every corner in some shape or form, just waiting for you to drive by and think about me. Haven’t I given you all of the fat and calories that any female has ever wanted? Didn’t I raise your cholesterol level to an all time high? Didn’t I make your heart beat faster than anything else? Who fixed it so that you could lay around and do nothing all day? I did, you told me that I was the sweetest thing in your life. Don’t leave me baby.
I thought you loved the way I make the fat hang over your jeans whenever you sit down, or the way your thighs wrinkle when your legs are crossed, have you forgotten how my sugar get’s you so high? I know that it brings you down again eventually and I apologize for that, but I can’t help it sweetie, that’s just the way I am. I admit that I love it when you think that people don’t want you around anymore, because I have made you so big and uncomfortable that you refuse to participate in anything, that’s my girl, I can have you all to myself now.
Hey Darlin, what is this I hear about you flirting with Lettuce and Tomato at the grocery store? What is going on with that? Was water there? Did you happen to run into whole-grain breads too? They all run together you know. Now, I am not sure if this is true but I hear they only deal with women who have a little self-esteem and self-worth! And I have recognized from the beginning of our relationship that you didn’t hold either one of those qualities sweetheart. Baby, I know that you don’t care enough about yourself to walk two-three days a week, do a little yoga with a friend, or a few crunches here and there. I understand the fact that you’d rather not get to know your healthier self, because if you do, you may first have to deal with some old issues that you would rather keep buried inside. That’s okay with me cupcake, just keep it all inside because I am here for you.
Baby, if you have been thinking about having breakfast with Cantaloupe and Oatmeal—forget about it.
They can’t do a darn thing for you except bring you down, way down! You don’t need to be healthy and feel pretty, you don’t need to get down to your idea weight and eat foods that were created especially for you! What would you look like munching on bell peppers and sweet onions that had been simmered in some olive-oil, with some whole-grain rice and a piece of baked fish that had been seasoned to your liking, everyone knows that you are not on that level my dear. Speaking of water, he thinks that he is all of that and believe me sugar, he is nothing compared to me. I hear that he is cheap, easy to get to and has no color or flavor! Unlike me, I come in all flavors, shapes, sizes and colors, besides I am more expensive too.
I think that it is time that I shared something with you, my dove, “I lost my last woman to water just over a year ago, she started hanging out with healthy and his buddies and the next thing I knew she was too darn healthy to deal with me anymore, sure I run into her every now and then … she let’s me know that I still smell nice and how good that I look then POOF! She’s gone and I am determined not to let that happen between you and I, All that I am really trying to say is that I love you and I am here to fill that empty heart of yours, I will be here to make you happy whenever you get lonesome, stressed out or bored. I promise you honey, as long as you keep depending on me for comfort I’ll never leave you. I will be here to satisfy your every craving, even when you feel like you have nobody at all. Listen girl, if you stick with me I promise you that there will be bigger and better things to come. On the other hand, if you do decide to start hanging out with healthy foods and his friends, I can only guarantee you one thing, you will be loosing me.
Signed, Unhealthy Foods
P.S. don’t go changing
Girlfriends, I need your help. My sister Joey just called and told that Carrot Cake is over there asking about me, what does he want? “He has got a lot of nerves,” I broke it off with him months ago.
I told him that I was through dealing with him for now, what should I do? I would like to check and see what he wants, but I know that I will hate that I did it afterward, we did share good times together, and he was always so sweet to me, oh! Forget carrot cake, all he did was hang around and tempt me day in and day out, and I allowed it, I’m tired of the shape that he has left me in. What should I do Girlfriend? Help me, you know how good that he looks and smells, don’t you? And I’m here to tell you that he tasted good too. I am so tempted right now. Oh well girlfriend, I guess I’ll be alright, just call me later on and let me know what you think I should do okay.