How many times do we hear it?
“Sure, after I trained him to be the perfect boyfriend, he breaks up with me and goes to be perfect for someone else.”
Has this happened to you?
We can learn a lot from our short-term relationships. We bump and bruise each other like bumper cars in an old time amusement park. We fight, argue, push our weight around or we withdraw, pout and manipulate.
Isn’t that a charming list of behaviors! If we think that our man of the moment is the One, these ups and downs can be devastating. If he IS the One, fear of losing him can take your power away from you and you will start compromising on some things you know are not right for you. No wonder we are in a mess when it comes to sorting out our feelings and getting really clear … I mean really clear on what we want in a partner.
When your man disappoints you, it is painful, I know because I went through a disappointing event with my man just a few hours ago. The first thing I did, which was different for me, was to say “Could we not decide right now? Could we table this and at least talk about it later?” He agreed and I left the room.
I felt hurt and sad and everything in me, well that is not so true anymore, but a rather large part of me wanted to blame him for making me feel so bad. After all, his words made my heart start to hurt … or did they?
I am learning that the emotional pain I feel when my man disappoints me was there all the time. He doesn’t climb inside of my body and pinch me in the place where I feel my heart ache. I am learning that the spot within me that aches when he acts in certain ways is simply a place where my body has agreed to carry the emotional pain from past events.
What you say? The past is in the past and that is that. I don’t let any of that drama bother me anymore.
I hear you! I know you have moved on and have turned your back on a lot of the hurtful relationships you have had in the past and I say … you go girl! But, and this is a big one, how sure are you that you are not missing some emotional energy still stuck to the ghosts in your past?
That is why, and ladies … write this down … you can learn to actually be grateful for the hurt feelings that your man brings up in you. Look, you have to admit, half the time he upsets you he simply says something stupid that he doesn’t really mean at all, right?
Learn to look at yourself differently and you will respond to him differently … guaranteed.
After I got my own self back in balance, I went outside and meditated and rested for an hour (very unusual behavior for me, as I am about a fifteen minute mediator) and re-entered life. I still felt a little hurt but I had convinced myself that if his opinion was right that it would all work out okay. I decided on a course of action that felt neutral and I felt calm about it.
We had a brief and peaceful follow up chat and things are smoothing out.
I know that I am changing as I allow myself to recognize when I am upset and simply handle it differently than I usually do. Breaking habitual relationship behavior is an excellent way to plow the ground and get ready to plant new skills, new fun and new lovin‘!
The road to self-love and self compassion is the only one that counts!