So, for the first time, I did say “no more” to men. Not forever … but long enough for me to figure out what I wanted, what I needed, and what I deserved. I knew I deserved more than I had ever gotten from men. And I also knew there was someone out there who could give me everything I needed. But he would just have to wait until I was ready.
It took longer than I expected, but one day, I just woke up and realized I was ready again. I dated, I had mostly bad dates, and the rest were never good enough to beckon more than a second or third date. But I was enjoying myself. I was independent and I had men in my life. One night, in support of my mom going through a divorce, I joined a dating website with her. I had no actual intention of meeting someone but I refused to close one door in my life that might lead to something great. Then I got an unexpected email. It was from a man a few cities over and it read:
“This might seem a little odd but I have looked at your profile and you seem like the perfect woman for my roommate. Would you be interested in me sending him your email?”
I said yes, without any hesitation. What harm would it do? It was just email. Not two hours later, an email appeared in my inbox titled “I Don’t Usually Do This …” I was hooked from the first sentence. His email was long, funny, endearing, and immediately made me want to know more about whoever this person was. We exchanged emails for an excruciating two weeks before he even asked for my number and another week on the phone before he asked me out on a date.
Our first date was a beautiful disaster. We met up, he didn’t have a plan of what we were going to do, and when we finally made the decision to see a movie, the movie theatre was not open. We spent a good two hours driving around, looking for a functioning movie theatre and finally found one around midnight. I couldn’t remember the last time I laughed so much. It was the best time I ever had getting lost. When he showed up to my work the next afternoon with my favorite Starbucks in hand, I was hooked. I don’t know where he was while I was dating all the men in my life, but I’m grateful he is here now. I don’t have a name for him yet, and I don’t know if he’ll ever necessarily need one. For now he is just him—and that’s the best name I’ve ever given a guy so far.
You would think that I would regret wasting so much time on so many wrong men but the reality of it is, without each and every one of them, I wouldn’t be who I am today. They taught me lessons about love, life, and myself. I don’t regret being a monogamist at all. I am who I am because of it and being a monogamist is a part of me. I hope that, this time, my monogamy works for me, instead of against me. Maybe this time I’ll be the exception—and not the rule …
So here’s to all you lady monogamists out there. When you like someone, jump head first without looking. You’re probably going to get hurt. You’ll probably cry when you don’t want to. But you’ll laugh too—and love a lot along the way. With every frog that hops across your path, just remember, you’re one amphibian closer to your prince. So love away! But love yourself first and foremost …