Falling in love seems so simple for some of us, but keeping that loving feelings can be challenging. Too many times when conflict arises we focus on what is wrong, and bring up over and over again some history that hurt us. Forgiveness is the key in all loving relationships, to forgive is not to condone, but is to release the hold that negative experiences have on your present serenity.
Remembering the good will make you feel a lot better than remembering the hurt, and will bring the peace you need to solve whatever conflict you have in your relationship.
Make a list of all the things you love about your partner, all the good memories you have of your life together, and embrace the feelings that come up when you recall them. Now all you have to do is transfer this love to whatever area of your relationship you’d like to improve, and then see the law of attraction work for you. Let love mend the disagreements or conflicts you are experiencing. Wake up each morning remembering why you fell in love with this particular person and use that to fuel your state of mind. Use this exercise for every relationship that needs mending.
This exercise will really help you when you are in labor. During the contractions, focus on those parts of your body that feel good. Concentrate on their well-being and harness that sense of relaxation to imbue the next wave that hits your womb. If you stay conscious, you can transfer that well-being into your belly and relax those parts that are working hard to bring your baby into this world.
A few years ago on the streets of Los Angeles, a large billboard announced: “Become the one you want to marry.” How many times have you heard the cliché, you must love yourself before you can truly love anyone else? But how does one love oneself? Here are some simple exercises that can point you in the direction of self-love. As you read them, pay attention to the feelings that come up.
- Tell yourself, “I love you.” My kids often make fun of me because I stop by the mirror and make funny faces at myself. In the past, those faces were usually me checking myself out and making a negative remark. Once I became conscious of that habit, I began switching the remarks with a smirk and gibberish. It took a lot for me not to judge myself, but slowly I began looking at my image and saying, “I love you.” Today, I wake up in the morning, look at myself in the mirror, and say “Hi baby, how are you! I love you. Have a good day.” During the day, if I catch myself looking into the mirror to check out my outfit before I leave, I make sure to add, “You are so cute.” The more I say it, the more I feel it and believe it.
- Write yourself a love letter. If you are especially down on yourself, I suggest you write yourself a love letter every day for thirty days. Post it and send it. It is so much fun receiving love letters daily. It can be just a postcard, a short note, or a three-page romantic letter. The act of committing self-love to paper, and then sending and receiving that love, will benefit you profoundly.
- Think of yourself as a child, deserving of hugs and praises. Take a baby picture of yourself and place it somewhere where you can see it often. Look at that baby and transfer all the love you have to her. Imagine she is your daughter and give her all the attention she needs.
- Pamper yourself. No matter your financial situation, you must find ways to pamper yourself. Get a massage, get your nails done, and take a bath surrounded by candlelight and soft music. Take a wonderful walk at sunset in a romantic place. Take yourself out to lunch at your favorite restaurant. All these activities are better done alone. Learn that keeping your own company is as much fun as sharing it with others.
- Accept compliments. If someone compliments your clothes, resist the urge to respond with, “Oh, this little thing?” Learn how to accept compliments, praises, and gratitude with a simple, “Thank you.” Keep a list of the compliments you receive for one whole day. You may be surprised by how many times you are the recipient of another’s loving consideration.
- Recognize when you are judging yourself, belittling or insulting your actions, and stop. Part of living consciously is being aware of how you talk to yourself. When I was a little girl, I would often remind myself of some embarrassing moment I experienced in the past and I would feel terrible. Those episodes could have happened weeks, months, or even years before, but it seemed that out of the blue they would invade the present and make me feel rotten. For years, I simply could not stop this pattern. Though I would not do it purposefully, these negative thoughts seemed to surface at the most inopportune times, usually when I was down. As a small child I had created a harsh judge that lived inside my head. My childlike logic had resolved that I would be the first to judge myself so that I might correct myself before anyone else could judge me. Today, I have compassion for that child, and when I catch myself in the old behavior, I say, “What you just did was silly. You are so cute! I know you are scared. Don’t worry, I am here, you are safe.”
- Affirmations that start with “I am …” are powerful tools for self-love. Try one of these: “I am loved, loving, and lovable. I am enough. I am a lover of humanity. I have a loving relationship with myself. I feel fulfilled right here and right now.” Make up your own and post them everywhere.
- Ask people to tell you what they like about you. I know this one is tough. Once when I was conducting a transformational workshop, I asked people to pay attention to the positive qualities of one another for the next few days. I encouraged them to see each other or talk on the telephone with one another outside the workshop. At the end of the week, we staged a ritual: as though dead, one person at a time would lie in the middle of the room and the entire group would pronounce their eulogy. Later, one of the participants came over to tell me, “At first it was so difficult to hear all these compliments from everyone. I just wanted to crawl into a hole and hide. Then slowly I relaxed and allowed the love to envelop me. People should have their eulogies when they are alive. How sad we never hear those words before we die!”
- Practice compassion and sacred service. When you enter a room, radiate compassion for all you see. Let go of your fear of judgment, of not belonging, of saying the wrong thing, of being misunderstood or being taken advantage of. To live with compassion is to live with passion. Give of yourself with passion. Help others. When you get involved in some type of service, you will feel tremendously rewarded and your life will be augmented. Find a way to give back, whether it is at your church, a shelter, a school, or a charity organization. Find something to do for others and you’ll love yourself for it.
Some of these actions will work really well for you, while others may not quite fit. If you have paid attention to your reactions, you know which ones you felt were absolutely ridiculous. Try them first. Where there is resistance, there is a lesson to be learned. Then, create your own list by taking a moment to get quiet and asking yourself, “What can I do to help myself feel more compassion and love toward myself?” Let the answer bubble up from inside you. If you can’t hear a clear message, try writing out your question, and then let your pen do the talking. You know best what works for you, and you have great wisdom within.