A funny thing about the end of a relationship—so many of us get hurt and angry. Now I get angry, but I also want to get out of it completely. I don’t want ties, financial or otherwise to impede my moving on. I have always been able to support myself, more by the time I was in my thirties, than I had been in my teens and twenties.
I did have two children with my first husband and that mandated a relationship both personal and financial for many years to come. I expected and accepted child support as the children’s due, not mine.
Getting out of bad marriages, I usually left with exactly what I had come in with. I wasn’t interested in “community assets,” houses, cars, financial settlements. Just give me my shit and I’m gone. Stupid? Maybe. I am not big on keeping ties to someone who I once loved, but it’s over now. It just seems to me that that really old song, “Got along without you before I met you, gonna’ get along with you now” really applies to how I feel about the end of a romance, a marriage, or on occasion, a friendship.
Yeah, I kept my jewelry, clothes, and any other gifts I was given. Those were mine. His “pension,” his equity in a house, his balls were his. Keep them and thrive, Darling. I place a lot more value on experiences than I do “things.” But I have my own things, including some pretty hefty self respect. You can’t put a price tag on that but it’s great to take along with you when you go.
I learned pretty early in life that I could manage without a partner. If I got lonely or felt like I needed to be with a man, there are so many available. Tuesday afternoon and rain might encourage me to find a willing cab driver for a couple of hours of solace. No muss, no fuss. I did not have to share my home, my love, or my soul with a nice cab driver. Partners are wonderful if it’s working. Not so much if it isn’t.
Friends of mine wondered at my stupidity in not taking a “settlement” from a man. I felt that I had settled just about everything by the time I walked out of his life forever.