I have always been majorly disturbed about one fact about my love life; I am not the only man in her life. Let me clarify.
She had had a relation before I came in to her life as a love interest. In fact, the failed relation of hers had much to do with the blooming of our relation. That was the time when she started realizing that her first choice, her first love was a mistake. On the other hand, I started feeling stronger about her day by day. I was her confidant. She shared everything with me about her love life, well almost. I was there with her when not many people were. In fact, it was there when I was the only person she felt comfortable with, not much even with her the then heartthrob. I began feeling jealous. I could not tolerate that she could be anyone else’s. About a week after she broke up with him, I kissed her.
I never really planned the kiss. It just happened because of the overflowing emotion I felt for her. I felt like doing it. And I did it. It was the most passionate moment of my life. I recollect the moment every now and then. I will keep on doing so for the rest of my life. She is the only girl I have ever touched. I never had any relation in my life. It was my late twenties at that time. She closed her eyes when I kissed her on the lips. She was shivering. It was my first kiss. My very first one. After the kiss, she did not look at me for some time. When I tried talking to her, she said she could not look in to my eyes. Eventually, she looked at me. We have never been tired of looking at each other’s eyes since then.
It has been magic. It is the kind of love-story that I have been reading in novels and watching in movies. Both of us fill in the blanks in each other’s heart. Whenever I am with her, I feel blissful. However, a thorn remains in my heart.
One day, I told her about this as we always share our true feelings with each other. I told her, “I’ll always have this pain in my heart that I’m your second choice.” My eyes got moist when I said this to her. This is one disturbing feeling that I was nurturing for quite some time. She was lying beside me keeping her head on my chest. I will never forget what she said after that. My life changed when I held her hand for the first time. My heart changed when she kissed me back. And my view about our relation changed when she said this.
She said, “You’re not my second choice. You’re my LAST choice.”