If I had no sense of humor, I would long ago have committed suicide. I love to laugh. We all do. I’m slowly surviving the brain aneurysm. It’s still about five millimeters; however, that leaves room for a few bumps along the way. A few flashbacks here and there, a little pain, and when I think of what I’ve been through, well, yes I’m proud of myself. I have every right to be. My friend Kathy just told me how proud of me she was.
But sometimes it still hurts to cry. You gotta let it out. And you gotta laugh. Everybody hurts sometimes. I try to think about the funny things in life that have happened to me. There is a lot of camaraderie at the bar. It’s called Maddogs. Three pool tables. I was playing pool, again standing up for a shot that required standing. I was about to sit down when friend Rick rushed over and said, “Caroline, don’t sit down. Kyle ran off with your wheelchair. Larry’s taking him for a ride.” I thanked him profusely, and then laughed my head off. I don’t remember who won that game, whether it was me or Tom.
I’ve been trying to walk without limping, but gracefully. Tom has talked to me about a lot of things, even helped me walk around the pool table a couple times. I can do it myself now. But I appreciated his help. These are all friends whom I play pool with. I really love the game. I’m laughing now as I write this, just thinking of the memory of the wheelchair. And I think of all the kind words I’ve heard over the last several months. Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless. I usually think that it’s easy to be nice, and harder to be kind. But not this time.
Yes, life throws its threads of joy and pain to us, but we choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them. I’ve decided that I need some spiritual healing as well. Perhaps a spiritual dolphin retreat. I found one on the Internet. That’s what gave me the idea. Why did I choose all of this pain and suffering? Was I born to be sick? I do have a gene mutation for thick blood. Did I choose that? I know that I just want all of this to be over and I have to make some changes in the way I think. I also need a trip to the mainland to see my sons and my family. And it’s time to pull my guitar out of the closet and fix it up. Imagine …