Deb, I see this situation very differently than you do. But you have the right to see it any way you choose. I don’t want to try and trick you, or lure you. But you need to decide what you want to do and get comfortable with it. You’ve said some really hurtful things, but I can get over it if you want to work on us. On the other hand, if you want a traditional situation with someone who has more free time to talk on the phone or to spend time with you I can understand that you have needs you want met. And you should go that direction.
I write almost every day for my blog. I write about what I know, and the advice I give. I write all the time that we can lock-in on old ways of thinking—and that always causes us to miss opportunities. Lock-in causes us to keep trying to find the past—rather than the future. Those who are more successful in life see the world not as something to which you lock-in, but rather as a place that is always changing. Where opportunities arise for those willing to be unconventional. Where those who disrupt old ways of thinking find more satisfaction and success with their lives. I’ve studied on this for twenty years, wrote a book about it, and have helped thousands of people in their lives by applying this thinking.
It’s why Apple is more successful than IBM. It’s why Steve Jobs is more successful than the CEO of IBM (who’s name nobody even knows.) It’s why Google is more successful than GE. It’s why Alec Baldwin, Meryl Streep and William Shatner were more successful as actors—across more than three decades—than thousands of other actors.
It’s often up to us. Those around us want us to remain Locked-in because it makes their life easier. They don’t try to bring new opportunities, just extensions of old ones. For us to do new things we have to decide we’re willing to look beyond the walls we build—physically and in our minds—and disrupt our behaviors and thoughts so that we can see things differently. I call it The Phoenix Principle. And with fourteen years of development work—thousands of case studies—I’ve found it always works.
It’s up to you Deb. You choose what you want to do. Every day. Even if it doesn’t feel like it. I choose my days—and sometimes it makes me mad at myself and others around me. But even if I’m angry, it’s still my choice what I do. I chose to be with you and I’m glad I did. I also choose to prepare meals with neighbors, sometimes I choose to visit with parents of my son’s friends and then with his friends, sometimes I choose to work. These are my choices. I will choose to have you be part of my life if you like. But you have to choose. And that means accepting your choice even if it’s not the ideal you seek—in any situation.
I wish you well Deb. Everyone, including you, can be happy. But you have to make choices about what you want to do—and not move as if choices are outside your control. You make the choice, just be prepared for the consequences. If you accept the consequences then the choice is yours, regardless if you choose to change or remain the same.
Thanks again for some great times. But please stop calling me an alcoholic or writing that I get drunk and act or write in ways I don’t remember or that my sons are alcoholics in training. I make choices and I live with them. There is no excuse—just choices. Like my choices to visit you. And my choice to write this email—stone sober in case it matters.
One last thing. You should do what you want to do. That is all that matters for you. I want you to make the decision to proceed every single day in a way that makes you most comfortable. Do so knowing that you are very special to me, and I will always have love in my heart for you. You please be well and happy—and take control of your life!
Peace be with you.