Oprah, think about it. Wouldn’t you like to start the New Year out right? Or at least without a weekly begging blog from Coaches on the Edge? The solution is in your perfectly-manicured, all-powerful hands. Just put us on your cover, and these weekly nuisances will become a fond memory.
Elizabeth and Laurie will soar to instant fame but not before going on the world’s most stringent diet, procuring the funds any way possible for immediate plastic surgery, and running up our credit cards with several pairs of the Cookie jeans you recommended at $199 a pop. We will proudly bring our tiny butts, our tightened faces, and those ridiculously-expensive jeans to our photo shoot. So not only will you be advancing the careers of two very worthy gals (Elizabeth’s house is an impromptu animal shelter and I haven’t worked for money in years), you will also be promoting good health, sending a plastic surgeon’s child to an expensive college, and boosting the economy in one fell swoop. How much more simple could this get?
You owe it to America, Oprah. As Spike Lee says, “Do the right thing.”