There are times when our soul needs a talking-to! And let me tell you, as I get older, I am finding that my soul needs a talking-to more and more!
But what am I talking about? What is the difference between the Soul and the Spirit—and are the two really different?
The best way I can describe the difference between the two—and I am NOT going to use Webster’s dictionary, I am going to use my own “Book of Personal Experience” definition: the things that I cannot touch within myself—my anger, when I am angry, my guilt when I am guilty, my happiness—when I am happy, the joy that is inside me despite any turmoil going on around me, my thoughts, my feelings, my emotions—are all variations of my soul. Yet, it is the God’s spirit that is in me—the Holy Spirit (that I received upon accepting Christ as my personal Lord and Saviour) that is the source of my joy … and it is the Holy Spirit that admonishes me, teaches me, guides me, leads me, and comforts me when I seek God’s word and will for my life.
Yet, I am not perfect—and it is through my imperfections that I need to seek God even more, and I find him in the word … the scriptures. It is God’s word that sustains me, feeds the spirit that is in me, and the more I feed and get nourishment from the bread of lifeGod’s word—the joy remains, despite the turmoil and the ups and downs, and all the curve balls we call life.
Right now is a curve ball—not a dangerous one—but a curve ball nevertheless. I am feeling weepy, but I say I am not depressed, yet I think I am. It could all be hormonal, but it doesn’t matter what it is—I need my spirit to talk to my soul no matter what the cause of this is.
Soul Woe #1—My Weight: This weight and being overweight and overeating is ridiculous—every time I go into the kitchen, I eat. But now I have a new weapon! Water, hot tea, and diet lemonade (water/lemon juice). If I want to eat something, I am now going to EAT of the Word of God. This is my new weapon I am going to try for 2010. It will require a 3×5 index card, and writing a scripture on it. Meditating on it. Scripture Food is now going to be in my kitchen when I go in there to eat or nibble. I am SICK of this weight and my loss of control. I am at this time 244 pounds. Just pathetic. I need to be about 175 or 180. I am sick of this weight. No more excuses. So—this January 3rd—TODAY my weight loss efforts begin. I do NOT hate myself, I LOVE myself, but enough is enough. Sure—I can try to examine all the reasons why I am eating—lack of sex, boredom, tension from stress, etc. etc. etc.—but the reasons don’t matter—I now need to think of ways to STOP the nonsense, and this way, I can explore the reasons at the same time! So, with today being January 3, 2010. I will let you know how I do.—The spirit—God’s Holy Word—and the spiritual food will be able to help me here.
Soul Woe #2—My Finances—My credit score 570—down from a high of 710 … just pitiful. Mortgage woes, credit card/traveling bills, moving mother-in-law here from Alabama expenses (she has Alzheimer’s), being generous ($5,000) to my church, husband is on dialysis, daughter (one teen daughter) eating up the finances with Mall, shopping, Christmas and birthday splurges on our only child. Not budgeting. Then a contractor for home improvement stole $5,000 from us. God’s Holy Word will be needed here too. How? PRAYER! The Prayers will speak to my soul—prayer for me to ask for God’s help and divine intervention here. He’s helped me many times before, but I keep finding myself in this situation due to my lack of budgeting and restraint. Yet, God also sees my generous heart and my giving spirit—so I know he will bless me. I believe in my heart he is training me for something, shaping and molding me for something. Yet, at the same time, I need to get a good grip on this finance thing, so I am praying earnestly—as if I have hit bottom…and I am screaming out to him to please help me, just like so many testimonies I have heard of others on drugs or alcohol binges, or homeless, crying out to him for help. I am so sorry God, if I have failed you in your attempts to lift me out of financial burdens, but I know God also knows my generous heart and spirit, and I pray he will have mercy on me here.
Soul Woe #3—My Health/Family Health—The stress of husband on dialysis, my daughter’s diabetes, and my own weight problems, etc. have wrecked havoc on my psyche..i.e. soul. Yet, I give God the praise because he has seen me through it all, and I’ve come through some of the worse times leaning on my strength. Leaning and delving into the word with aggressive committment. I am glued to religious programs—Joyce Meyer—making me cry, or J.T. Jakes empowering me to be better in my faith and committment. With the majority of the religious programs I watch, I feel as if God is speaking to me through them. Thus, my soul will continue to hunger and thirst after the righteousness of God…again—God seems to be drawing me to stay glued to His Word to fulfill and correct my soul’s woes.
Soul Woe #4—Marriage/Children i.e Hubby/Daughter—Daughter’s diabetes and her mood swings, husband’s health problems, working overtime, and all he does is watch TV. He goes to dialysis center—and watches TV, he is home, in recliner—and watches TV…other than work and dealing with his elderly Mother (who has dementia) he watches TV. There is no sex, no marriage “vacation” where we go out to eat, out to dance, there’s NOTHING. NOTHING…NOTHING! But I love him, and he loves me. But he is rude, he has no friends
I think back to what it could be—and what triggered it—and it seems I feel so alone. I have a husband with health ailments galore, no sex, no taking me out for dinner, no surprises, no flowers, no nothing…but he loves me…and the most surprising thing of all? I LOVE HIM TO DEATH! It’s as if God put 100 arrows in me from the Love Angels to love this man. He has no friends, he complains about everything, and everyone, and he is truly a very difficult man to know and love. But I understand him, and I give him the little peace and joy he is lacking by being a good wife to him. I take pleasure in knowing that God is pleased that I am doing my part as a loving, faithful wife. But I sometimes wonder if I should also thank him for the negatives I’ve mentioned because perhaps I am so blessed with such joy and peace…despite the turmoil at times in my soul—it is MY SPIRIT that takes control of me in the end, and I am never in despair. I give God thanks for that!
So, despite those pressing woes within my soul…my spirit can still rejoice and I still have JOY and PEACE because of the following:
Blessing #1—My Faith—My belief in God, and my seriousness about living my life for God and Christ. I am humbled…so very very humbled that God has chosen me to be his child. I need to rest in him, and remain in him, and I will the rest of my life. I don’t care how traumatic the woes will or can become.
Blessing #2—My health—so far, I am very healthy, despite being overweight, but time is running out. I have got to lose my weight as soon as possible.
Blessing #3—My parents. I still have them both…my Mother is particularly doing very well at 73. I thank GOD for this blessing My Mother is truly my rock, and I don’t know what I will do when she is no longer around.
Blessing #4—My friends—I THANK GOD for them…they are also my rock, and will probably be even more so when I no longer have my Mother. I thank God especially for Benita…you know who you are Benita. Someone who is a true sister in Christ, whom I can share and love, and just be me…and we love each other just through the pure love of God and Christ, and a bond in us both loving God and Christ very much.
Blessing #5—My job—I AM WORKING!! In this economy—I have a great job—30+ years and counting!!!
Blessing #6—My car—my SUV is a 1997—still working, even through all the TEEN DRIVING to malls, to church events, sports events, etc. I thank you GOD! All paid for, and so far running.
Blessing #7—A roof over my head—MY HOME. Financially, it is NOT where it should be—and we need alot of work and appliances—but WE STILL HAVE A HOME!!
Well, there you have it…the spirit (through my writing) has reminded me that my blessings far outweigh the woes—and the most precious blessing that I need to include is my ability to write here at Divine Caroline and get it ALL out … why, I am feeling better already!