I sat down with my boss today. Wanted to make sure I was keeping up to the standard. Short story after an hour of discussion—my performance was fine. That’s it—just fine. Well, darn. I thought I would be okay with being the middle of the pack but as I thought about it, that wasn’t good enough. I want to be the top. One of the best. My performance has improved a lot over the past year. I am no longer concerned with not being good enough. No, I now have a new enemy—being adequate.
I have gotten over my fear of failure. I know that no one is perfect and it is impossible to succeed one-hundred percent of the time. But just being above the cusp is different. It isn’t a flat out failure or an overwhelming success. It’s making it and just not quite being good enough to be good. I finally learned that the world is not black and white. As soon as the gray came into my sightline so did the realization that there were different levels of success. Damn … that’s hard to cope with.