To say I am a farmer is only half of the picture, and how this relates to sensuality may be a bit harder to explain, but I will try. I am actually a homesteader. I believe that raising animals along with my crop is the best way to help Mother Earth, keep the land clean and alive, and produce the best that I can for myself and my family. Aside from the joy of raising chickens, ducks and goats, the reward of seeing an animal from birth through life has its own rewards aside from what they provide me with in food and manure. Organic really doesn’t describe this type of farming either for it is a biodiverse system that feeds each other. I grow the food to feed my animals and they provide the manure to grow the next round of crops, along with what my family eats and leaves out to compost. It’s a self-sufficient system that we hope will thrive through the years. We are just beginning.
So how does sensuality work into the equation? I find that my hands within the earth reminds me of this delicate cycle of life, death, and re-birth that has opened my own spirit to a deeper understanding of life. Placing the seeds safely and gently into the soil, I am reminded that I am a woman who understands that it is the gentleness of my spirit that touches deep within the earth to care and tend these little forms of life I place each season into a new home. Learning each plant and how it reproduces as well as each insect, bird, and animal reminds me that my own sensuality has a purpose, and to me, it means a very important part of life. I was a single mother for the last twenty years, and reminded daily from my own family of my responsibilities to my daughter and myself to provide a living and be not only mother but father to my child. I found my will bending to their expectations and forgot that I am a woman of sensual nature, which I withheld from my own daughter only to be reminded in her teenage years to try to teach her that which I know yet had forgotten. I do believe that the most important tasks in my life must be attended with an open heart, willing spirit but always, with a gentle hand. Through the years of multitasking my life, this was something that I forgot, and once reminded, regretted its loss, but I was reminded.
As a woman, I know many others were taught as well that we are not to be “emotional.” We are emotional creatures, and to me, this is our greatest gift. In order to remember my nature, it took my own sensual nature to grow to be reminded that it is okay to be just how I was created. Everything that I do in life that grew and thrived did so because of my sensual and emotional nature. I could not be ashamed of that and create so something had to change. I had to take back my own strength and say enough. Too many would tell me that I was too “sensitive” for my own good. My sensitivity I recognize, animals, plants and all of nature understands and knows. There is a line in the Course of Miracles that says “God shall not be mocked,” and what that means is, he isn’t, and neither is nature. In order to grow a truly remarkable home, I knew I had to be authentic. That gentleness that reminds me that life is not the harsh picture that my family painted all these years, and I did my daughter no favors in hiding that or denying it of myself. There is a deep strength in sensuality for that is what sparks passion, and passion in what you do in life is how you find joyful success. This is the lesson my daughter reminded me to teach. I spent far too many years jumping from one job to another just seeking a paycheck, then I found within me the strength to go for my dreams. What I found was that when your passion is in line with what the universe see’s as your brilliant idea, and you approach it with humility and gentleness, then you can truly move mountains and create the life you always wanted. I will share my stories for that is exactly what I have found and I am so very grateful.
This life that I walk is not easy. Staying within my own sensuality and keeping that gentleness in my own spirit is a difficult path to follow. Each day it takes a true test of faith and a reminder always to be honest with myself as well as others. For you cannot hide anything from nature, and you cannot approach an animal or anything in the natural world with anything but a gentle reverence for its life. Any other approach and believe me, they know. I not only work with that which I have brought here in animal and plant, but I also must work with the world as it is. It is a humbling but rewarding experience. So I no longer make apologies for my gentle, emotional, and sensual nature. When I am out in the world of natures gifts, I don’t have to. I am embraced and rewarded each day for it, and for that … I am truly grateful.