It has been one of those days.
It all started with two cab drivers cutting me off and having me slam on my breaks to avoid hitting one of them. One of them had run a red light and then when I glared at him as I blared my horn, he just gave me that smug look that all male cab drivers give female drivers here in Korea, as if I was in the wrong.
Anyway, moving past that near-accident event, I got to work earlier than normal and started my day’s work. Nothing pressing going on today, but my mind is all over the place, so I can’t seem to focus on anything. The primary thing bogging down my mind, though, is my frustration with my own life these days. Just this past weekend, it was like I felt alienated from everyone, including my own family, and I didn’t know how to reconnect. When before my whole life was about patience, that patience had worn too thin and every little thing was grating at my last nerve.
Maybe it’s the pregnancy. It’s probably the pregnancy.
But I thought I was such a happy pregnant woman with my first pregnancy ... why is it so different this time?
My husband thinks otherwise. He says he clearly remembers “this stage” of my pregnancy from the last time. Who asked him?
The whole morning at my desk my mind wandered among thoughts of how I could improve my life, what I needed to change about me to make myself happier, what exactly was wrong in my life right now that was causing me so much stress, and various other thoughts just making me more and more ... upset.
My husband sent me a text and wanted to meet for lunch. I suppose he wasn’t quite ready for the emotional state I was in, but I can say I was not the most pleasant company for lunch. Near tears by the end of lunch and sipping ice water to try and choke my food down, I was ready for a bawl session, or at least a round with a punching bag. After leaving the restaurant, my husband and I went our separate ways and I got to my car, sat down, turned on the engine, and just cried. Since a punching bag was not available at the time, I had to settle for the bawl session. What else could I do? Something had to give.
As I sat in my hot car and cried my pitiful tears, I thought about what I could do right then and there to make myself just a little happier to make it through the rest of my work day without another breakdown. I thought about wandering through the Post Exchange and finding myself something nice, or maybe I should go buy a fun new toy for my daughter to try and win her love back, or maybe I could go get a crazy new haircut.
Well, I decided to try the Post Exchange, but just to make matters worse, I couldn’t find a parking space anywhere! I guess it was for the best since I probably would have just been more frustrated at not being able to find anything I really wanted in there and if I did settle on something, it really wouldn’t have made me any happier. I just decided to go back to my office and take some deep breaths.
I parked my car, walked back to my office and sat down for a few minutes, when my co-worker came in and said he was headed across the street to pick up his lunch. Well, what do they have across the street? A small Baskin Robbins stand. That was the solution to my problem right now! I decided to walk over and get a cup of ice cream for myself to lift my spirits for now...and boy, was that the smartest move I ever made.
One cup of Gold Medal Ribbon later, I feel better and I know I can make it through the rest of my workday. I’ll just go chase my daughter around a field later to burn off those calories. And who says ice cream is bad for a pregnant lady? It’s got calcium! And a little bit of happiness on a hormonally-challenging day.
It has been one of those days.