< Lies! Lies! Each and every air-breathing, fire-breathing, or barely-breathing human being is guilty of the occasional white lie. We lie for all sorts of reasons. While we don’t think too much of our personal white lies, we tend to get our offended little panties in quite the pouty bunch when our spouse gives us a dose of the same. We say we don’t want to be lied to, that honesty is always the best policy, that we would NEVER lie to him (one of our very own little “whities”). But are we being honest with him? With ourselves? Do we always want to hear the brutal truth? The ugly truth? Or do we prefer to entertain our delusions?
There are four main reasons men lie:
1. For sex: Men prefer to have sex often (yes, I know…stating the obvious). He knows that on any given day, it isn’t him deciding whether the two of you are “doing the deed.” It’s you deciding. He’s up for it any time you are, so his “nookie night” depends on your mood. Now, assume you ask him whether you look fat in those polka dot, second-skin pants that you secretly know are not your best look. He has two options: He can be brutally honest and say, “Yes, we could make money advertising on that polka dot billboard.” OR he can play it safe, hope to get a piece of that billboard later on, and say “No, honey, you look hot. They look great.” Now, he KNOWS that even if you know he’s lying, he just scored nookie points with his white lie. Cha-Ching!
2. To avoid conflict: Let’s face it. Sometimes, we women like to think he agrees with us on almost every issue. If he doesn’t, our relationship (in our mind) has just entered dangerous waters and our difference of opinion could be construed as a “disconnect.” So when you are going on and on about how that “supposed” friend of yours has been talking about you behind your back—how she must not really be your friend at all—how you knew all along what a back-stabber she was, he will probably lie and say he agrees with you, even if he thinks you’re being completely unreasonable. Why? To avoid your devil eyes abruptly switching direction and making a beeline for him: your updated target of choice.
This can apply to any issue on which he may not agree with you. He knows that disagreeing with you will lead to hours of conflict. He also knows that after all that energy is expended on this conflict, he still has no hope of coming out on the other side holding his “Yes! I’m right” trophy. When the argument is all said and done, he’ll still be wrong. Where will this position land him on the “possible nookie” barometer? Lower than zero. Exhaustion from fighting, never being right, and no hope of sex. Come on, ladies, we seem to condition him to lie a little. Don’t you think?
3. To avoid doing something he doesn’t want to do: The latest romantic tearjerker is playing at the theater. You can’t get there fast enough and assume he wants to go with you because he “loves” you, right? For him, watching a romance and possibly falling prey to the elusive strong man cry ranks right up there with couple manis and pedis. NO THANKS! This is not his idea of a fun night. He may make an excuse. “I have to work late. You go on without me.” “I’m not really feeling up to it. Can you find a girlfriend to go with you?” Chick flicks, shopping, chores, housework … any of these may merit a white lie to prevent his otherwise required participation. Of course, he may not lie to get out of chick flicks and shopping. He may claim to enjoy them. If he does, please refer to reason #1. He may join you with hopes of his evening of hell being rewarded with the much anticipated “nookie!” And shouldn’t it?
4. To avoid hurting your feelings: Men are sometimes empathetic creatures. He may present to you a heartfelt lie to avoid crushing your ego. You do the same for him on a regular basis. We do this out of love, not malice. He doesn’t want to tell you that he’s reminded of his mom when he sees you in that flower-print, cover- ALL swimsuit – just as you don’t want to hear it. He doesn’t want you to feel hurt when he gets caught looking at another woman. So, when asked if he thinks she’s pretty, he may say, “No, she’s ugly. Just look at that nose! I could hang my coat on it.” When you ask him whether he likes your over-cooked, under-flavored meatloaf, he doesn’t want to hurt you. He’ll likely lie and say it was wonderful. As he should.
So, there you have it. Men lie for many reasons, but most of his white lies will find themselves falling under one of these four major players. Do we unknowingly condition men to lie to us? I think so. Men learn how to avoid conflict, keep peace, and hopefully say the right things to lure out our frisky mood. They’ve learned this through trial and error. We certainly can’t blame them. Not only have we done the conditioning, but we also do the lying sometimes ourselves. Do we want them to tell us the truth all the time? I don’t think we do. We don’t want to hear that we, by no means, resemble the sexy vixen we were before we wed (especially when he has literally no room in his seam-bursting, begging to be retired pants to point fingers). We don’t want to hear that the dinner we’ve slaved over for two hours is about as easy to choke down as roadkill. We certainly don’t want to hear that we’re the one to blame when it comes to an argument with our friends. We just want him to agree, validate, and … wait for it … lie! Please! For the sake of everyone’s feelings, egos, and nookie!