“Excuse me miss but do you have any coupons today?” The dreaded question hung in the air like rotting garbage on a hot summer day! So what is my usual reply? “No I don’t I left them on the kitchen table or I have at least twenty on me that expired about a week ago!” Neither scenario particularly helpful! I have been trying for years to get the coupon thing squared away and can never seem to manage to have them work for me! I have a friend Rosemary who I refer to as the “Coupon Queen.” Each week at work she would display her register receipt to me with pride! “Look how much I saved this week … why I must have had $60 worth of coupons and with my Price Club card and at least another $60 in savings!” Humph … show off! I would mutter under my breath!!
It’s not like I haven’t tried. I would dutifully take the Sunday paper early before anyone could get at it and start clipping away all the manufacturer’s coupons. I would cut and cut … coupons for anything from diapers to denture cream, needed or not items! Then sort them all out into groups from frozen foods to first aid and into my coupon holder they would go. Lock and load, all ready to do battle in the aisles of my local grocery store!
As I scoured the aisles for my for my targeted items I would inevitably discover that I had to purchase two or three of the items that I could do without in the first place. “Hmmm, do I really need this to begin with? Is it such a deal, to good to pass up?! Ok, ok I will get the three containers of Feta cheese to get the .75 cents off! Some how I don’t think that is the way these things are suppose to work?! Recently I got a useful Catalina coupon with my register receipt. (Also referred to as check out coupons. They are manufacturer coupons that can only be used in the store that they were issued.) It was a bonanza of sorts. Three dollars off on one large size mouthwash, a brand that I actually use. The following week we ran out of mouth wash! Aha now was my chance! I rushed to the store with my golden ticket in hand. I held it tightly next to my shopping list ready to receive the big pay off! Here it was the showdown as the clerk asked me for coupons. “I do have one!” I said with unabashed glee! As I looked down to my tightly clenched fist I only saw my shopping list. “What the … alright where is it!” I shouted at the top of my lungs. I must have dropped it! The clerk looked at me with pity in her eyes. “Well dearie maybe it’s in your pocket book?!” she said. “No, no I had it right here in my hand!” I screeched at the top of my lungs! “Code blue at register four!” resounded over the PA. Reluctantly I removed the mouthwash from my purchases under the watchful eye of the security guard.
A few days later I ran into Rosemary and we were discussing the events of the day and the conversation took an inevitable turn to food shopping. “I scored a $150 off yesterday with my Club Card and coupons” declared Rosemary in a triumphant voice! “Well,” I paused … “I had this fantastic coupon that I lost in the store but if I had used it I would have saved three dollars off of my $150 order!” So there I thought, what was the big deal anyway? Coupons, schoupons! Well I’ll be seeing you. I am on my way to Seven- Eleven. I won $10 on this scratch off and hey, where did it go I had right here in my hand with the newspaper?! “Maybe it’s in the bottom of your pocket book somewhere.” Rosemary suggested. “Maybe it’s hanging out with my mouthwash coupon in another dimension.” I said with defeat.