I woke up this morning encouraged to finally delete him as my friend on Facebook. I realized I like being connected to my friends and family and I wasn’t going on it much because I didn’t want to see him on there. Well I deleted him.
I was so thrilled I was going to write about it here. I am glad I did it. My initial emotional response was of relief. Relief because after nearly three years I had no more connection with the man I once thought was soul mate. Until about thirty minutes ago.
I decided to cook me a nice healthy meal and I left a pot on the stove and the smoke from it made the fire alarm go off. I kept fanning and fanning and it would not stop making the noise. After five minutes it stopped and I was shaking and I just started crying and yelling “I have no more connection with him” “I miss him so much.” The reality of my disconnection from this morning set in this afternoon.
The emotional breakdown lasted for fifteen minutes. As I type this, my eyes are drying but I feel so empty and so lost inside. I’m in shock that I will never know how he is doing unless I contact him and he does not care about me at all anymore. No more connection.
I know and I feel it was the right thing to do and the last thing I needed to do in order to move on but my heart hurts so bad. I know in time I will heal and I will be ok I just wish it was sooner rather than later. I just need to keep telling myself this is good.