When you first start dating someone, you get the butterflies when you think about your date that night, there are sparks when you kiss passionately, and there are fireworks when you have hot sex.
But what do you when the fireworks turn to fizzles? The sex is no longer exciting and fun, and not only is it not hot and passionate anymore, it is nothing that you crave …
I have been dating my special someone for a while now and at the beginning of the relationship everything was great … we texted each other about how much we couldn’t wait to get it on later, we would send each other dirty pictures, and our sex was not only hot, but it was naughty. And that is that way I like it.
Then something changed. I don’t know if it’s me, if it’s him, or if it’s something going on in the relationship. He is still really attracted to me, but I just don’t have the same desires that I once did. He asks me all the time what he can do to make me more interested and I honestly don’t know what to tell him.
I used to feel bad that my sex drive was nonexistent but now I am just annoyed that it is something that I constantly have to deal with. I kind of wish that his sex drive would evaporate like mine did and then I wouldn’t have to fight him off at the end of the night. Or lie there and act like I am into it.
The frustrating part about it all is that I want to WANT to have sex. I don’t want it to feel like a chore, like something I have to do to keep my boyfriend happy. I want to feel the fireworks, I want to kiss passionately. I don’t want to avoid kissing him because I think that might turn him on and then we’ll have to have sex.
Is it supposed to be this much work to keep the excitement alive and to continue to have a great sex life?
Is this what all relationships turn into after you have been together for a long time? You have work, and yoga class, and prior engagements to worry about and when you finally get the chance to go to bed, in all honesty you just don’t want that twenty-minute diversion of sex to keep you from your ultimate goal of getting to sleep at a decent hour? Is it all just a byproduct of the mystery and novelty wearing off?
Or does a once vibrant sex life that has literally faded to black signify a bigger problem in the relationship? Maybe it’s not my sex drive, maybe it’s that I am no longer attracted to him … maybe we get along great but in more of a platonic sort of way … or maybe it just means that it’s time to move on.
Sex is something that I value in a relationship. It is something that I want to crave, something that I want to partake in, something that I want to be a regular occurrence in my relationships. If the fireworks are gone is it time to move on or do you try to rekindle the flame?
Any advice ladies? Have you ever been in this situation before? How do you bounce back from low libido?