I looked at the first post that I ever wrote on here, which was over a year ago. It seems that nothing has changed, in fact, I’m probably even more lonely than before and it’s really affecting me. I’ve never had a problem doing anything on my own, but I moved out of state, to the other side of the country almost three years ago, and I haven’t made any lasting connections, with men or women. There are people I hang out with, but at this age, it’s hard to make new, true, friends. I don’t seem to have any luck with men either. Either I really like them, and they’re not interested, or they like me and I’m not interested.
I really don’t know what to do. I just know that the loneliness is eating me alive. Really, I just want someone to love me. I want someone to want to hang out with me. I want someone to want to talk to me all the time. I want someone to miss me, to get butterflies when they hear my voice. I just want somebody to want me … Let me change that, I want somebody that I want, to want me.
Why does this seem like it’s too much to ask? I see all my friends get into relationships, get married, have children, and here I am, like always … alone. It makes me wonder what is wrong with me. I think I’m a good person, a nice person. I treat people like I want to be treated, but it seems like, as far as relationships go, things are going along great.. then all of sudden, the other person becomes distant or just stops calling me or taking my calls.
People say that everything happens for a reason. They say that love comes when you’re not expecting it. They say that there’s someone out there for everyone, but even if that’s true, it doesn’t mean you’ll ever find them. I feel like I have so much love to give someone else, but no one is ever interested.
I’m thirty-four, and I have no idea what it feels like to have someone truly be in love with me. I’ve been in long relationships, good relationships and bad, but I’ve never felt like anyone ever really loved me, like they cared about me. It always seemed like they could take me or leave me … and I just want to know what I’m doing wrong.
I go on at least one date a week, but it just never seems to go anywhere. Either they just want to sleep with me, or we go on a few dates, they tell me they really like me, or we have what I think are great dates. I mean, they keep going on multiple ones with me and then … nothing.. I haven’t been in a relationship in over three years, and I’m really, really, really extremely lonely … and no one seems to understand.