It may take years for your kids to bounce back from divorce, but don’t get discouraged. It’s probably the biggest change your child has ever experienced. Remember, it’s no longer taboo for a child to have to split their time between two parents. More than 40 percent of marriages in the United States end in divorce. Research shows that children have a better chance at developing into healthy adults if parents who fight a lot get divorced.
5. Carve Out One-on-One Time
Your child is feeling more vulnerable than ever right now. Everything that looked stable has just crumbled. They’re going to cling, cry, and suffer stomachaches. It might worry you that your teen won’t leave your side, but this is normal. Even if you’ve told them you’ll always be there for them, they need constant reassurance. Let them grieve, at least for a while. Give them a few days off from school. Nurse their illnesses. Hug them when they crawl into bed with you. With their world now divided in two, your home has to be their refuge. If you’ve started dating again, don’t make your children share their time with you with another person. They need to feel like they’re the most important part of your life, not like they have to compete for your attention.
6. Don’t Lose Yourself
While your children come first, don’t focus all your attention on them. Do something for yourself every now and then too. You have to focus on healing your own wounds before you can truly help them. If you’re not happy, your children will sense it and worry about you. It will only hurt them if you lay your adult emotional burdens on their young minds. They would much rather spend one hour less per day with you if the time they do get is fun and not filled with anxiety or complaints over your situation.
7. Sport Your Poker Face
If you and your ex have a difficult time getting along, treat the relationship as you would a professional one. Don’t drag your children into the drama of dividing time and responsibilities. Don’t make them the mediator between the two of you. If you can’t work out the daily routines, ask an impartial third party to step in. Parent coordinators have become popular tools in messy divorces. Children whose parents can communicate well are better adjusted because the parents have more time to devote to the child than the conflict.
Expert’s Take: “All that keeps you and your ex involved now is your joint enterprise: your children. They are your ‘business,’ and you two are ‘business partners.’ Accordingly, your relationship should be businesslike, which means cooperative, formal, polite, structured, limited, and somewhat impersonal.”—Emery
8. Positivity Is Contagious
Your children aren’t sure yet how much pain they can survive so you have to show them it’s not the end of the world  by staying positive. If you make change exciting, they will adapt easier to future bumps in the road. Focus on the positive change; a new room if you’re moving, special alone time with you, a trip to visit family.
9. Don’t Blur the Line
While you may not be sure you’ve made the right decision in splitting from your spouse, keep it to yourself. It’s natural to fall back into that old relationship. When you look at those beautiful children the two of you made, it reminds you of the good you once saw in your ex. But if daddy starts sleeping over, it gets too confusing for your children. You’re giving them false hope that you’ll get back together when most likely you won’t. It’s not so easy for them to let go of that hope when all they want right now is for their family to be whole again.
If you’re practicing these tips and your child is still having a hard time bouncing back from divorce , don’t hesitate to contact a therapist.
By Morgan Vines for BounceBack