I just read about another sex survey recently conducted by Indiana University. In the study, 85 percent of men reported that their partners had climaxed the last time they had sex. However, only 64 percent of women surveyed said they had reached orgasm the last time they had sex. That’s a pretty big gap between the men’s perception and the women’s reality if you ask me.
Why would someone lie about having an orgasm? Although women are the biggest culprits, men lie about it, too. (Although it’s a little harder―no pun intended―for men to get away with the lie).
- They’re afraid of hurting their partners’ feelings
- The woman might want to make the man feel better about his performance
- They feel uncomfortable giving honest feedback
- They feel awkward communicating about such an intimate subject
- They’re tired and just want to go to sleep
As you may have noticed, all of the reasons listed come down to one thing: communication. Our society is so performance-driven that an inordinate amount of pressure is put on men and women to climax; not too soon, not too long, more than once at one time. You name it, there’s somebody who feels pressured about their sexual performance, and specifically their orgasms.
When my partner and I first got together, I faked an orgasm one time. I know, shocking, isn’t it? Well, I was young and stupid, and I had bought into the idea that if a woman doesn’t climax, it meant the sex wasn’t good. I really liked this guy and didn’t want to hurt his feelings. He was (and still is) great in bed, but it was just one of those nights that I wasn’t going to come.
The next morning, he casually said, “You know, you don’t ever have to fake an orgasm with me.” BAGGED!! I was mortified, but I sucked it up and told him it was because I didn’t want to make him feel bad. He set me right at ease, letting me know that he understood that not all women come every time they have sex. It took all the pressure off, and from that moment on, I never faked another orgasm.
Communication is critical to having great sex. Open and honest communication is even more intimate than sexual intercourse in our society, which is pretty messed up if you think about it. Just try it, though, and watch what it does to improve your sex life.
The problem with faking an orgasm is that it’s an indication that your lines of communication aren’t as open and honest as they need to be for a successful relationship to grow. To improve your lines of communication, I recommend being clear and loving while you’re having sex. “I love it when you touch me just like that.” You can also start to talk about it at other times when you’re relaxed and communicating well. It may be that you’re particularly stressed out, and that makes it more difficult for you to climax. Or it may be that you’re just not that aware of what it takes to make you come. Practice makes perfect, and your partner can surely help!