This is my very first DivineCaroline entry. What has moved me to finally contribute my ideas to this website is the fact that I am currently combating alcohol abuse. I will not call it alcoholism just yet … I am not ready for that particular word.
So let’s move on …
Ever since I began drinking on a regular basis outside of college binge drinking, the bar has been my safe haven. Not that it is really safe, but mentally and emotionally I feel a sense of safeness at the bar. Most of the people there are there to get drunk. Let’s face it … how many people go to a bar just to socialize? And I am not talking about your everyday college campus bar or a fun and trendy nightclub … I am talking about a bar that people go to in order to sit back and get drunk out of their skulls. To me, the experience of being at such a place is a comfort because I do not have any kind of a requirement to act, think, or be a certain way. A lot of us feel lost and hopeless at times, and sitting at a bar and ordering a stiff drink can seem the perfect remedy (obviously temporary) to any of our adult ailments.
I like going into one of my favorite bars and having the bartender know what I want. A beer and a shot of Jack Daniels. Guys are always impressed with my drinking behavior. In a way, maybe I feed off of this attention. But the truth is, no matter if you are male or female, a vice is a vice. It could be hard liquor, it could be wine coolers, it good be tanning, it could be masturbation, heroin, crack, coffee, cigarettes, obviously the list goes on and on. So, what is the point I am trying to make here? I guess I am trying to say that addiction, or if you want to call it “excessive behavior,” is the hardest damn thing to get over. Numbing your thoughts and feelings is the closest thing to death without killing yourself.
This is the start to my journey of self-exploration … mainly in the sense of negative habits. Please note that I am not in any way trying to receive attention through this article; I am really trying to voice my ideas and hopefully network with people who may possibly relate to my situation. Life is too good to give up. I think websites like this are a perfect way to network and connect with people and share ideas, hopes, and dreams. Thank you to whoever has read this … and please, write me if you feel like it!!