I remember being a teenager and thinking that by the time I was twenty-five I’d be married, starting a family, and have my whole life figured out. I must say, twenty-five seemed so mature back then. I now find myself to be twenty-six, single, with my life not all figured out.
Seeing my friends find love, getting married, and having babies makes it harder for me to be content with my single life. I’ve always known I wanted to be a mother and wife, and to see my friends experience it just makes me want it all the more. I see their glow, their happiness and I can’t help but want the same. I find myself getting impatient and wondering when it’s my turn—wondering if God is really hearing me. I do get discouraged about it, and at times, let it consume my thoughts to the point where I doubt. It’s even harder when you see people you haven’t seen in a while and one of the first things they ask is “So, are you married?” and I reply with a very casual-as-if-it-doesn’t-bother-me-at-all smile and say, “Not yet. I’ve just got so much going on in my life.” Maybe it’s just me, but the look I get from them seems to be one of shock that I’m not married, much less in a serious and committed relationship.
I’m usually a pretty upbeat person and try not to let things drag me down, but this is something that I’ve wanted for so long and have looked forward to. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve hoped and wished the next guy were the one and then the disappointment that followed when he wasn’t. I think back at all the heartbreak and let downs and wonder, How much more of that do I have to go through?
With all that said, I realize that God’s time is much better than my own. If I had married any one of the guys that I’ve dated, I would be extremely unhappy right about now because I wouldn’t be with them for the right reasons and wouldn’t have a God-centered foundation.
“For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.” -Isaiah 55:9
This past week, or few days actually, I’ve had such an epiphany. First, a dear friend of mine tells me that I need to stop looking for Mr. Right and just live my life. She was open and completely honest with me, telling me that I need to stop worrying about finding a mate. The very next morning at church, Ty spoke about the very same thing. He said that you’ve got to be happy exactly where you are before you can truly be happy with anything or anyone else. Did you get that? Let me just say it again: you’ve got to be happy exactly where you are before you can truly be happy with anything or anyone else. Wow, so true. This really spoke to me and was exactly what I needed to hear.
“God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks. It’s a good thing to quietly hope, quietly hope for help from God. It’s a good thing when you’re young to stick it out through the hard times.” -Lamentations 3:25-27
My dear mom reminded me that I only get to experience my twenties once, and I shouldn’t waste that time anxiously pondering over the fact that I’m still single. Instead, I should enjoy my life—my single life—while I can and not live it constantly worrying and fretting about a future that God holds in His hands. There’s a song called “While I’m Waiting” by John Waller that seems to serve as a guide for me in my journey. The lyrics really resonate with me and remind me of what’s really important.
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait
Part of having faith is knowing and trusting that God has my best interest at heart. For reasons that are not clear to me now, it’s just not the right time. I do know that I’d much rather wait for His timing than go out on my own. This is the start of my journey to become who God wants me to be and take this time to let Him truly form and mold me.
“Still, God, you are our Father. We’re the clay and you’re our potter: All of us are what you made us.” -Isaiah 64:8
Am I happy? Sure, most of the time. Am I truly happy with being a twenty-six-year-old single girl with no real prospects? I’m getting there. It’s not always easy, but I’ve decided to make it my goal to choose to be happy in my circumstances. I’m not just magically overnight going to be at the point where I’m content, but I’m going to take it one day at a time.
“God knows your value; He sees your potential. You may not understand everything you are going through right now. But hold your head up high, knowing that God is in control and he has a great plan and purpose for your life. Your dreams may not have turned out exactly as you’d hoped, but the Bible says that God’s ways are better and higher than our ways … No matter what you go through in life, no matter how many disappointments you suffer, your value in God’s eyes always remains the same. You will always be the apple of His eye. He will never give up on you, so don’t give up on yourself.” -Joel Osteen