I believe, and this is of course born from experience, that there are degrees to the process of moving on, whether from a lost (great!) love, or a fling, or even from a plan hatched inside my head about something; a trip that never materialized, a project that got cut short, or a rendezvous that never took off—I find that it is so much easier to move on from a failed “plan” if I did not want it with such fervor.
But beyond wanting it, I ask myself: Have I invested so much of myself in this plan that not having it bear into fruition would spell a disaster in my personal life or career? Was this plan a part of the general scheme of my life? Or was it just a passing fancy?
If merely a passing fancy, I may think about it for months on end, but the thinking process is subtle—something that simply crosses my mind when I see a reminder of the plan perhaps, a minor irritation, much like being bitten by a pesky mosquito. Nothing more.
But if I wanted it so much, with such an intensity that my soul was shaken from the roots by its disappearance, then moving on for me would be a constant struggle between letting go some days and (perhaps even desperately) hanging on at other times.
Then, of course, my faith (despite appearances) in the Lord comes in. As I am wont to say, he does not make mistakes. Even the very hairs on my head are numbered. This is my faith. What about you? What sees you through?
And so in those moments when I find myself desperately hanging on to a past that has already taken its course, I cry to the Lord and claim his promise that regardless of how I feel or how my circumstances may appear to me, I have to shut out all of these human frailties and remember that “He plans to prosper me and not to harm me … to give me a hope and a future.”
Thus far, I have found myself surviving some of the most difficult storms that one could weather: the passing of my mom (my best friend in the whole wide word), being cheated on, being thought of as not having measured up, being talked about (and not in a good way) ad infinitum, yet despite all these, still, I hear myself laugh over the mundane and the banal, I enjoy the company of great friends, I travel and see the world (with what little resources I have), I make plans for my future (despite the uncertainties of life). I find myself believing in the strength of the human spirit, that it bounces back from any tragedy.
It truly is amazing what a difference perspective makes, if one only cares to realign hers to see the cup as half full. Always.