Your wedding is like an ugly baby. We’re happy for you, really we are, but good lord please don’t make me look at it again.
Being a bride can be exhausting. Being the support system of the bride, doubly so. It starts so innocently…
The first few hours after the engagement are pure bliss. You call people who squeal and ask for dates and colors. You make lists of potential bridesmaids and surf the web for dresses and flowers. Seventy-two hours later, the adrenaline high subsides and life goes back to normal. Only now you have a piece of jewelry that you have to get used to sleeping in.
Inevitably something else will come along to distract from your news. In my case, three girls I went to school with got engaged with in a week of me. Then Kim Kardashian began polluting the media with her boulder sized diamond. I felt cheated out the fawning and cooing I deserved. No one was paying attention to me anymore! The desire to get back those first hormone drenched hours was overwhelming. Like Britney Spears and Paris Hilton, I needed attention to live.
I turned into a wedding obsessed monster, peppering peoples Facebook statuses with statements turning the conversation back to me and my big day. I once commented on a status with the only intention of informing an old friend of a friend that I was beating her down the aisle. Take that, girl who was so terrible to me in high school! We haven’t spoken in five years but by God you will know my superiority!
It didn’t stop there. The first time I was going to be introduced to the rest of my fiances extended family was at a cousins graduation. Everyone we met went on and on about his great future and hard work. What about me? His four years of waiting and preparation had nothing on my twenty years! I spent the day pushing back imaginary bangs from my forehead to show off the new sparkle on my finger. Too bad I wasn’t the only one behaving badly. Another family member became engaged a few months before us. His fiancee spent the party after the ceremony avoiding me and glaring a crossed the room form over her glass of Diet Coke.
Yeah, it wasn’t pretty. Later on, I was more than a little ashamed of myself and my behavior. I needed a chill pill as big as my head and an outlet for all the crazy.
What got me through was the man I said yes to. He was the best sport about me calling venues for quotes despite our wedding being three years away. Calling him from the other room to look at boutonnieres was never met with an exasperated moan and my musings on organza versus tulle provoked smiles. We celebrated in every way we knew how; special dinners at home, wedding themed movie nights and … well … you know. He was getting married too, he deserved some attention as well. Taking the down time between “yes” and “I do” to really connect made us both insanely happy. It won’t be long before finances, guest lists and music selections bring out the uglier side of us.
It’s been ages since I’ve talked wedding stuff to someone other than my fiance and my need for perpetual fawning has subsided. I’m happy to be back to my less power mad self. I’m sure my friends and family are, too.
The people closest to you are already setting aside at least a weekend to prepare for and honor you and your love. There’s no need to make them the supporting players in their own lives. Life is not a romantic comedy. Their lives continue to have the same ups and downs as when your ring finger was naked. Besides, real excitement and congratulations are more fulfilling then the solicited kind.