Often, as a volunteer for the Distant Healing Network, I receive Healing requests for difficult relationships. All sorts of relationships: family relationships, parents, children, mother/daughter, father/son, mothers-in-law, in-laws in general, siblings, marriages, friends, business relationships, boyfriends, girlfriends. But all these sorts of relationships are really one and the same, because they all involve more than one human being.
All human beings share the same vehicle, the same physical, human vehicle. And the problems in all the relationships between sentient beings have the same source: we are looking in all the wrong places to find the solutions. The true relationship is soul to soul – what we feel and perceive is only the ego layer of the relationship – the ups and downs, the events, the personalities and egos. And here the term ‘ego’ means all our thoughts and perceptions, all our emotions, even the thought that we are the physical body.
We all waste a lot of time and effort in relationships reacting to events and what is said or thought or felt by another person. What we are really seeking is the Light in another person, and the Light of our own soul.
In the monastery or convent of all the great religions, it may be easier to find God and the soul – the monks and nuns have vowed to put God first and foremost in their lives. In the convent or monastery personal, romantic relationships are not allowed. But we all must first open our own small hearts, and learn to love in a personal way, so that the Higher Love can come through us. But: if we can enter a relationship first knowing our own soul and the Higher Love – the relationship has a much better chance of survival and depth and meaning.
The secret is to know that we are all beings of Radiant Light. And that any problems we might have or might create – are just the ego, the personality. Their ego, our ego, it really does not matter whose ego it is: the main thing is to identify the problem as “ego”. That we have forgotten who we truly are.
One exercise is to close our eyes and image a difficult scene we have had with another person, and then to mentally change ourselves to the Radiant Light of the soul. And then see the other person(s) imaginatively as the Radiant Light of the Soul. Then infuse the entire scene with the Divine, Radiant Light. In this exercise – the problems disappear, do not exist. And the truth is that they do not exist, i.e. they do not Ultimately Exist. Only if we ourselves stand in the ego, in our own personal thoughts and perceptions, do the problems between us exist.
Once we have eliminated the difficulties in our mind, our minds are then clear to find the best solution, if a solution is needed. Sometimes we, or the other person, needs healing; sometimes discipline is needed; sometimes words are needed, sometimes silence is needed. Most importantly, the understanding that we all are the soul is the true answer to any problem we face. When this is understood and remembered, all else easily falls into place.
Most likely I have already written this in an earlier Journal entry, or in an interview, but it bears repeating – in any case, this experience changed my life and my view of relationships forever. I was still in my twenties, and had just lost an important relationship in a very heartbreaking way. Someone had stepped in and taken the person I most loved away from me. One afternoon sometime after, I was sitting at the table in the kitchen of 113 ½ West Buffalo Street, grieving it all and feeling very alone and sad, betrayed. My life seemed ruined. Suddenly a little clairvoyant movie began in my mind – only this time it was not about the future or present happenings somewhere else on earth. Instead, I saw the three of us – the person I so dearly loved, the person who had come between us, and I – together somewhere; I could not make out any surroundings, the background was a light blur. We were all close together physically, our heads bent close together, and we were smiling and talking together, laughing – loving each other. The entire scene was shot with radiant Light and the Higher Love. I can still see and feel it now, the scene was so indelibly imprinted on my mind. And this scene, this Glimpse – was the truth. The rest was fiction: the heartbreak, the feeling of separation and loss. There was no loss – on the soul level, everything was fine between the three of us – and will always be fine between us.
And this is true of every relationship we will experience on earth, between ourselves and any other sentient being.
Can I live this awareness all the time, every minute of every day? Of course not. Perhaps the great saints of all our religions could, but I cannot. However, I can when I am standing in the soul, when I can transcend the ego and see the ego for what it truly is – i.e. a tangle of thoughts and perceptions, opinions and reactions. There comes a time when we can see the ego operating in ourselves and in others, instead of reacting to the words and actions created by the personal ego. And then if we should fall into our own thoughts, or react to the words or actions of others – or even perpetrate dissension or harmfulness – there comes time when we cannot completely fall into the ego, or if we do, fall in for very long.
These simple exercises, these mini-meditations, including repeating “I am the soul” or “I am Radiant Light” when facing a problem – can and will change us and therefore our lives. And so can knowing that the true relationship – is soul to soul.