Last week was hard. I was in a really horrible scary place. I was unstable. Well here’s the up date. I went to go see a doctor. They did not commit me. I have to see a therapist and possibly go back on meds for a short while until the doctor, the therapist, and I come to a conclusion that I am well enough to function without the meds. I am okay with that.
I left the relationship. I stopped calling. I don’t see him and I avoid him at all costs. He tries to contact me but I don’t bother because I realize no one is wroth taking my life. He swore up and down he did nothing but he never listened to himself until I replayed the last conversation we had when he told me I was unloveable. I recorded it. He still denied it all. So I had to end it.
I will never open myself up to anyone and reveal this part of myself. If at anytime this part of me comes out, I will run so that I can get better. I will never make the mistake of falling in love so quick. I will never make the mistake of feeling bad because someone loves me and I don’t love them. I can still care but I cannot consider people who don’t care or consider me. My life is up and down. I will never be in a balanced place but I can find peace in knowing I am free of all the abusive people who said things to me and did things to me that would cause me to hate myself and harm myself.