The era of eating bugs for money is long gone; these days, it’s all about trade-based reality shows. With series about pawnshop owners, storage unit buyers, and exterminators, the biggest trend in television (besides shows about giant families, of course) is the depiction of businesspeople going about their business lives and interacting with clients and customers.
So you might have wondered: what would it cost for Rachel Zoe to make you look fabulous? Or how much would Cesar Millan charge you for him to whisper to your dog? Well, Mr. Millan’s business these days is much more about educating the masses than treating individual pets, so that’s out. And Ms. Zoe is way too busy to take your calls. But these reality stars have thriving real-world businesses, so if you have the money, they have the time for you.
Get a Date with the Millionaire Matchmaker
On her Bravo show, matchmaker Patti Stanger specializes in helping successful but clueless men find love with attractive women (often by explaining things like why a stripper pole in the bedroom gives off a poor impression). But the Millionaire’s Club isn’t just a concoction for television. If you’re a male millionaire, $45,000 gets you one year of unlimited dating as well as personalized dating coaching, relationship counseling, image counseling, and hypnotherapy(?). For female millionaires, the yearly fee is $75,000. (There’s no charge for attractive women who only want to date the millionaires.)
But that’s just for the basic service. If you want to get matched by a senior staff member, add $20,000 to the cost. For a Priority Status membership, add $30,000. A Diamond Membership can set you back a total of $200,000. And if you want personal service by Patti herself, expect to spend an extra $35,000 per year on top of everything, assuming she’s available. If at any time during your membership you want to get one-on-one feedback from Patti, it will cost $1,000 for a phone consult or $5,000 for a one-hour lunch.
Get Inked by Kat Von D
If the “junior-high dirtbag’s binder” look is your thing, you’re probably a fan of Kat Von D and her show, LA Ink. If you’re in the Los Angeles area, and you’re not in a hurry, you can get a genuine Kat Von D original on your lower back (or wherever). Her shop, High Voltage Tattoo, prices body art like any other tattoo shop: based on the size and complexity of the design, among other factors. There’s a $200 minimum, which goes for any artist in the shop. To get inked by Kat herself, you won’t necessarily pay more than for another artist, but you will wait a lot longer. She receives so many requests that it takes months for her to even answer them, and even then, there’s no guarantee you’ll get on her schedule.
Have Your Wedding Planned to Perfection
Wedding-planning services can incorporate anything from helping a bride pick out flowers and tasting the menu to putting out fires on the big day itself. A high-end planner, like Los Angeles?based Michelle Buckley of Mint Julep Social Events, who is featured on the Style Network’s Whose Wedding Is It Anyway? often charges more than some brides have in their entire budget. Expect to pay $2,400 for the basic day-of services all the way through $12,800 for top-to-bottom design and execution of your wedding.
Say Yes to the Dress at Kleinfeld
If you’ve ever fantasized about having Audrey, Sarah, or Keisha help you find the perfect wedding dress, it’s easier than you think! Whether or not you want to be on the show, you can make an appointment at Kleinfeld over the Internet, and you can even request your favorite consultant. You’ll wait longer for appointments with the most popular ladies, of course, but the upside is that the cost of this celebrity service is exactly $0. The consultants get paid a commission, so all you pay for is the dress itself.
Get Fit with Jackie Warner
Jackie’s killer body, as seen on Bravo’s Workout, is the best advertisement for her gym, L.A.’s Sky Sport Spa, and its exercise DVDs and weight-loss programs. Even though she’s famous and has a busy schedule, she still takes personal-training clients. Expect to be challenged with rigorous exertion and mental discipline, since Jackie’s philosophy is “it all comes down to decisions, choices, and focus.” Also expect to pay $300 per hour; if you buy ten sessions at once, it’s $150 per hour. Surprisingly reasonable!
Have the Ace of Cakes Bake Your Dessert
All the crazy creations made by Duff Goldman and his crew at Baltimore’s Charm City Cakes can be yours, too. If you need a wild and wacky wedding confection or a cake shaped like a dump truck, their shop is a working pastry business, albeit a very busy one, so it’s advised to get on their schedule as far in advance as possible. As for the cost, be prepared to open your wallet. Bare-bones tiered wedding cakes start at $7 per slice with a fifty-slice minimum, and that’s just for cake and frosting. The bakers report that most of the custom wedding cakes they make run about $15 per slice. (FYI, an average wedding cake costs somewhere around $3 per slice.) Three-dimensional sculptural cakes start at $1,000, and you can bet that the intricate designs you see on television easily cost several thousand dollars.
The world may not be clamoring to watch you at work, but you can still get your fifteen minutes of fame by becoming a client of one of these reality stars. No bug-eating required!
Photo courtesy of Wikimedia Commons .